Insecure

You don't understand.

If I were a boy - Beyonce.

"I cannot believe Nathan St.James gave you his number on the first day of school and you didn't tell me." Emily scolds me as soon as I come out of my 4th period class.

"How'd you know?" I ask.

"That's what Chloe is so bent about, he's having a party Friday. You HAVE to go, we can go shopping after school!" She says excitingly.

"Can we Friday? I have a thing with my counselor today." I tell her as we walk into the same deli we always do.

"Sure, what do you want today? Please don't tell me a plain salad with no dressing." She says huffing.

"She'll have a chicken salad sandwich, hold the onions." A deep British voice bellows from above me. "You need to eat remember love?" Harry whispers, his lips accidentally brush against my ear sending shivers down my spine.

"Are you stalking me Mr. Styles?" I whisper as I look back at him over my shoulder.

"I heard this place has the best sandwiches and I needed to find out for myself." Harry says as Emily orders our sandwiches. "The best friend?" I answer nodding.

"Yup, she's in love with the owners son. We've come here everyday since sophomore year." I explain as Emily turns around.

"I'll see you later Sara." Harry mumbles before walking up to the counter. I could feel Emily's energy as we get out drinks and settle into a booth.

"Spill bitch." She demands.

"That's my therapist Emily." I tell her as I unwrap my sandwich.

How did he know no onions?

"No shit? He's hot as fuck Sara!" She squeals causing him to look over at us. "What's his name?"

"Mr. Styles."

"Mr. Styles, over here!" She shouts as he leaves the cashier. He looks at me for approval and I shrug before he walks over and slides into the booth next to me. 

"Mr. Styles this is Emily, my best friend." I introduce them formally.

"You know I thought it was weird that you ordered for Sara but now it makes sense, it's nice to actually see her eat something other then rabbit food." She rants and Harry chuckles.

"She's quite bunny like isn't she?" Harry teases causing me to blush.

"I really like your tattoos, they look so cool." Emily gushes in her awkward nerdiness.

"Thanks." Harry replies with a smile. "How long have you two been friends?" He asks before taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Since we were born basically, our moms were best friends. I'm a year younger then Sara but after the accident she was in the hospital for a long time so she had to redo her sophomore year. Upside is that she gets to graduate with me." She explains and Harry nods. Hearing her talk about everything so normally brings back all of the memories making me sick to my stomach.

"I need to use the restroom." I tell Harry, he nods and slides out allowing me to escape. Once I'm in the bathroom I couldn't hold it back anymore as the half a sandwich I managed to eat comes back up. 

"Sara..."

Shit I didn't lock the door.

"I didn't gag myself I swear, it's just when the memories all come back I get sick." I say weakly as I walk to the sink and clean myself up. Luckily I've gotten used to this and manage so keep myself clean as well as keep a toothbrush and toothpaste in my bag. Harry watches me wash my face and brush my teeth before talking again. 

"Are you ok?" He asks with his eyes full of concern. 

"No." I whisper finally breaking down. "I'm tired of being used, I'm tired of being abused, I'm tired of being neglected, I'm tired of finding someone who acts like they care to find out that they actually don't. I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of crying. I'm just tired Harry and I don't know how to make it stop." I sob blinded by tears as I feel muscular arms wrap around me. 

"Shhh it's ok Sara, you're safe with me." He whispers as he holds me against his chest. His arms are warm around me and his fresh linen mixed with vanilla scent is intoxicating. "Maybe we should just take it easy today huh?" He suggests.

"No, I need this Harry." I plead and he nods.

"Fine, I'll take the other half of your sandwich and put it in the fridge in my office. I want you to eat it before we work out ok?" He asks cautiously and I nod my head. "Are you alright now?" He asks as he tilts my head up to look into his sad green eyes, he bites his lip tentatively as he gazes down on me.

"I'm fine." I whisper after a few minutes of getting lost in his eyes. He gives me a tight lipped nod before heading out of the bathroom. By the time I made it back to our table Harry was gone along with the rest of my sandwich and his.

"Are you ok babe? Mr. Styles grabbed your sandwich and bolted out of here as fast as his long ass legs could carry him." Emily says as I slide into the booth and take a sip of my tea. 

"You know how I get." I say sadly and she nods.

"I'm sorry hun, I do need to say something though. Mr. Styles totally has the hots for you." She says winking.

"He's my therapist Em, don't be delusional."

"I don't know what that word means but whatever, he cares about you." She insists.

"Well he shouldn't, I'm not worth caring about.." I mutter and Emily huffs. 

"If I were a boy I'd totally date you." She teases trying to make me laugh.

"If you were a boy your dick would be tiny and you would have red pubes." I retort and she snorts. 

"There's my girl." She says beaming at me. "I still say your therapist has a hard on for you though, you two actually look really cute together. I wonder how old he is." 

"He's 22." I answer simply. 

"That's only like four years older then you, sounds perfect. Much better then Michael's 12 years if you ask me." She sighs.

"They are trying to have a baby." I whisper.

"You need to tell Vanessa what he did to you Sarbear, as much as I don't like her she deserves to know before getting knocked up." She insists. 

"It won't do anything Em, he'll deny it and she'll turn her back on me. As soon as we graduate I'm leaving this place and never looking back."

If only it was that easy.