Insecure

You went back to what you knew

Back to Black - Amy Winehouse

Harry didn't realize I saw him, the second our eyes met Nathan spun me towards him so my back was to Harry. "You alright?" He whispers, his voice heavy with concern.

I glance back at Harry so see him still sitting there glaring at us with Lottie nowhere to be seen, "I could be better." I say as I look into Nathan's golden brown eyes, he smirks and tilts his head questioningly. I bite my lip before leaning towards him and gently pressing my lips to his, Nathan stills in surprise before kissing me softly. He surprisingly doesn't deepen the kiss, he just cups my face gently  before pressing his forehead against mine.

"Wanna go catch a movie or something instead? We don't need to be here." He asks softly and I nod.

"There's something I want to do first." I reply, Nathan furrows his brows at me as I make my way up to where they were doing karaoke. "Hey Niall." 

"Didn't take you for the karaoke type Sara." He teases and I shrug.

"I'm just full of surprises." I mumble as I look through the song catalog, "This one."

"Are you sure? That's an ambitious one." He cautions and I smirk.

"I can handle it." I wink at him and he sighs before setting up the song, I glance at Nathan who's smiling at me as the music begins to play. I've never sung publicly but with the alcohol in my system on top of the pain dealt from Harry, there was no emotion I was feeling but hurt.

My eyes zero in on Harry's greens and I smile sweetly just before beginning to sing.

He left no time to regret
Kept his dick wet
With his same old safe bet
Me and my head high
And my tears dry

Get on without my guy
You went back to what you knew
So far removed from all that we went through

And I tread a troubled track
My odds are stacked
I'll go back to black

We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to

I go back to us
I love you much
It's not enough
You love blow, and I love puff
And life is like a pipe
And I'm a tiny penny rolling up the walls inside

We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to
We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to black

As I make my way through the song my eyes never leave Harry's, at first he smiled but once he actually heard the lyrics his face dropped. He looks down and then looks back up at me with emotional eyes just as I finish the last verse, I told him something with this song. Something he had been wanting to hear for months but couldn't say.

I told him that I loved him.

After the music stops everyone who knew about Harry and I kind of just stood there flabbergasted, especially Emily. I quickly go to Nathan who offers me a soft smile before leading me out to the driveway.

"Sara wait." Harry's voice sounds as his large hand grabs my arm, "Please just hear me out."

"I'm not interested Harry, go back to your fiance." I roll my eyes and he shakes his head.

"Why do you keep calling her that?" He asks.

"That night after I texted you that I wanted to talk Vanessa and I ran into Lottie who rubbed her engagement ring in my face, I recognized the ring from your family photos. I may be naive but I'm not stupid Harry." I seethe as I feel Nathan's hand on my back comforting me. "Maybe I am though because I let myself fall in love with you." I mumble and Harry's eyes widen.

"What did you just say?" Harry asks in disbelief.

"I was going to tell you that I loved you that night, that I wanted things to work between us. I thought that's what you wanted too after that kiss in the park but you turned around and proposed to her an hour later." I add as tears pour down my face, I take a minute, collect myself and dry my tears. "This is why I don't believe in love." I add with my voice cool and even before turning around and walking away. 

"Do you want me to take you home?" Nathan asks after catching up to me. 

"No, that's the last place I want to go." I mumble, he grabs my arm to stop me and I bury my head in his chest as he wraps his arms around me.

"It's ok to feel like this Sara." He whispers and I shake my head.

"He's not worth it." I reply before gathering myself.

"What do you want to do?" Nathan asks as he releases me before running his hands down my arms and tangling our fingers together. 

"Can we go eat something?" I question feeling the sugar from the alcohol coursing through my blood making me a little woozy.

"Course." He nods before  opening the door for me, after sliding in I shiver from the brisk January air. Nathan jumps in and turns up the heater before pulling his jacket off and draping it over my legs. "What do you feel like?"

"Meat."