You Know Nothing || Cersei Lannister (GxG)

XL.

For all you Jaime fans out there... this is gonna be a tough chapter for him. Thanks for reading, loves❣️

<Cersei Lannister>

   I sat on the small cot in my room and opened the even-smaller chest I had hidden under it, slipping from it a direwolf pendant Paityn had given me long ago. Years, it seemed, since we had met properly in Winterfell, and few years it had been.

   My heart ached as I held the silver in my hands, tracing the wolf's head with my fingertip. My heart ached for her, and for her family. I wanted to shout at my father for doing this to the love of my life, but how would I protest without good reason? He was already disappointed with me for letting my children out of control.

   "Father." I mumbled to myself. "Mother, brother, lover..."

   I was worried for a moment, as I had promised to wait for her in her chambers, but was suddenly taken by a guard back to my own, for reasons he wouldn't specify. I hoped that she was safe, and that Sansa accepted her comfort. She had expressed her fears to me, but... at a time like this for her family, I didn't think that Sansa could afford being alone for very long.

   Then suddenly the door creaked open, and I smiled, picturing Paityn's saddened, but still beautiful face. But when I heard the voice, masculine and broken, and I turned... my heart dropped.

   "Cersei."

   He was pathetic, oil in his hair and rags and dirt adorning his body. The look in his eyes was almost a puzzle; glazed with tears and the gentlest of broken promises. But, worst of all, in place of his hand, a white- pink with blood and light brown with grease- bandage.

   When I looked at him, the picture of who I imagined him to be flashed before my eyes- tall and handsome and courageous; a true, golden lion. And then this. This... shell.

   When our eyes met, I knew that he wasn't the person he was when he left. But what he hadn't figured out yet was that I was no longer the person I was before, either.

   He came to me and kissed me, holding his chapped lips against mine; nothing like they used to feel, and his hands were rough. Dirt caked beneath his fingernails as he held my shoulders.

   "Stop." I told him firmly, and he... with some struggle, pulled away, stepping back. I took a deep breath of air, debating on what to say; how to tell him that while he was gone, chained up somewhere probably covered in his own shit, I fell in love with someone else.

   "Cersei..." He started, but I held my hand up for silence.

   "Where have you been?" I asked him, and he looked at me with bewilderment.

   "What do you mean, where have I been?" He asked. "I was captured by the Starks, I did everything I could to get back to you!"

   "You're too late." I told him, rubbing my arms with my hands for warmth. "You took too long."
   "What are you saying?" He asked, so many emotions laced into his somehow-older features. Tried as I might, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him. It slowly dawned on my brother though, because he pointed at me with his stump of a hand and furrowed his brows. "It's that girl, isn't it. That girl you fucked back in Winterfell. You told me that-"
   "It was a one-time thing, I know what I said, Jaime." I told him, begging for him to listen to the words that wouldn't come out. "She... she was there. When you weren't. And I was there for her when Joff killed her father-"

   "She was there for you? While her brother held me captive? And you were there for her? When our son chopped off her father's head?" He was silent for a moment before continuing, "You told me that we were meant to be, Cersei. You told me-"

   "I know what I told you!" I shouted, and he winced. I softened my tone. "I genuinely thought that I was right. I thought that you and I were soulmates- that's what I told Ned Stark, too. It's what he died for. Listen to me... I love her. And I used to love you, but we were so wrong. I look at her, and I know it's right."
   "Look at me." He growled, grabbing my face in his rough hands. His eyes met mine and they were a darker green than they ever were. "Look at me and tell me that it's not right. That we're not right."
   I sighed, and chuckled. "I was infatuated with you my whole life, Jaime. I loved the idea of you- my handsome knight in shining armor. And now look at you." He slowly loosened his grip and I stepped away from him, almost disgusted by the way his hands felt on my cheeks.

   "I'm sorry. I truly am." I told him, and he sighed, his voice cracking a bit as he spoke.

   "You love her."

   "I do." I replied. "I love her with everything I never had. She taught me the difference between being taught something and knowing it in your heart. And Jaime, I know you loved me. I know you would do anything for me. So please... if you can never look upon my face again, find love in someone who isn't me. You're my brother. I want you to be happy. But... I can't be with you anymore."

   There was a long silence as we exchanged gazes, his heavy and sad, mine sad, though somewhat relieved.

   "You know nothing, Cersei Lannister." Was all he said before he left the room.