You Know Nothing || Cersei Lannister (GxG)

LXIV.

A/N: here's a trash update to tide you over until we get to the drama again (:

   "Jaime shall be returning any day now with Myrcella." Cersei said absentmindedly as she laid between my legs one day. Catelyn was asleep in her arms, already having grown a few thick tufts of golden hair. My heart swelled at the thought of her emerald little eyes, her fragile little head, her reaching little hands.

"And then what?" I asked, running my fingertips up and down the nape of her neck. Her new haircut made her cheekbones sharper, if possible.

"Nothing will change." She stroked the baby's soft skin.

"Do you promise, my love?"

Then, sensing the desperation in my voice, she turned. She hadn't intimidated me before, even when I knew she could call for my head at any given time, but at that moment, she did. And there wasn't even a fire in her eyes. "I promise, my love. I swear by the sun and the moon and the stars and whatever gods you pray to."
"I don't think I like to pray much anymore." I said, looking away. "It never works."

"You mustn't lose faith, love." She pecked my cheek and shifted, to where one leg was crossed over the other. Her stiff-yet-flowy gown was as green as her eyes.

"You don't pray." I said stubbornly.

"Sometimes I do." She said. "Sometimes I pray that the gods will protect you and my children." I couldn't help but think how that wasn't working out so well for her- with Joffrey, at least.

"I don't need gods to protect me." I said. "Neither do your children."

"Yes, but both you and my children need to understand that there's a target on your back." She looked towards the window, a soft breeze ruffling the curtains. It was a beautiful picture we painted. "And there are men and women and children just waiting in the shadows to loose the first arrow."

I sighed. "I understand."

After a while, she asked: "You'll protect me, won't you?"

"Why, of course." I said into her shoulder. "Why do you ask?"

"Because there are more people who want to harm me than you." She said. "Thousands. Millions. Everyone I know would take their chance at hurting me. Baelish, Pycelle, the Tyrells, Seven Hells, maybe even Qyburn. My own son threatened my life at one point."

"Don't say that." I told her. "No one would dare hurt you. No one will even get close. I'll gather more guards if it would make you feel safe."

"Do you want to hurt me?" She asked, turning to look me in the face. The baby shifted slightly in her arms, stretched her little arms towards the sky before letting them fall back down. Before I could reply, however, Cersei pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. "Gods, I know you don't, it's just... all my life, I've been told that every relationship is a conspiracy. They either want my money, my body, or my life."

"This is not a conspiracy." I swore to her. "This is not a five-year conspiracy."

"How do I know?" She asked softly. "Can you prove it?"

"I don't want your money." I told her. "I don't want your life. I do want your body." I pinched her side playfully. "But I also want your heart. I don't even talk to my family anymore. Half of my family is dead."

"I'm sorry." She said suddenly, tucking her head into the crook of my neck. "I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you."

Just then, Catelyn Joanna woke up and started to cry.

I kissed the back of Cersei's head, whispering, "It's alright, love," and slid out from behind her. She bounced the baby gently before laying her down between her legs to get changed.

"Where are you going?" She asked as I went to the dresser, pouring myself a glass of wine.

"Nowhere." I shrugged, leaning against the wood. The summerwine was warm and exploded flavorfully in my mouth.

She turned her attention back to Catelyn. "Are you hungry, my love?" She asked, tucking her finger under the baby's chin. She giggled, and my chest did that thing where it swelled and went numb at the same time.

My thinking turned to my family. Surely I would die if I went back. Seven Hells, surely if I went back there would be nothing left but remnants. The crypts, maybe. The Boltons. As far as I know, Sansa hadn't returned, and Arya was either dead or swordfighting in some foreign land. Jon was still at the Wall, and would be until he died.

For a brief period in time, I remembered, I had wanted to join the Night's Watch. For a brief period in time, I thought of chopping all my hair off and having Jon teach me how to swing a stick. I quickly forgot all about that idea, though, when I saw my family that night at dinner. I couldn't bear to leave them.

I laughed a little to myself. Funny how things change.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Cersei asked, now feeding Catelyn from her breast.

I sighed. "Just thinking about my family. I didn't join the Night's Watch because I didn't want to leave them, and that's exactly what I've done."

"Love, your family is here." Was all she said.

"You're right." I told her. "How can I be so selfish? I have a little girl to take care of now." I perched on the edge of the bed.

"And a wife." She teased.

"And a slightly bigger girl, and a son, and a kingdom." I laid back and sighed again, contentedly this time. Cersei laid the baby on my chest. Catelyn looked up at me with glittering emerald eyes. She smiled (with no teeth, of course) and clapped her hands.

"Hello, Cayte." I let my defenses down, forgetting completely about the things that had troubled me minutes before. I tickled her chin and she giggled some more. "Hello, my little lion. It's mum. Can you say mummy?"

"She just babbles." Cersei dismissed, brushing her fingers through my hair.

"Don't limit her." I said before turning back to the baby. "Come on, precious, can you say mummy? I know you can."

Catelyn followed my lips' movements with her own, pink tongue flopping out of her mouth. She drooled a bit and I wiped it away with my sleeve. Cersei just watched in amusement.

"Mummy. Come on, love, repeat after me. Mum-me." I said the word slowly, nodding my head along to the syllables.

"You look absolutely ridiculous." Cersei told me.

"You'll see." I stuck my tongue out at her. "Mummy. Mum-me." Catelyn pressed her lips together.

"It's not going to work-"

"Shh!"

"Mum." Catelyn said, reaching for my nose. "Mum-mee."

"A-ha!" I exclaimed, startling the baby. She began to cry. "Oh no, my love, don't cry. Don't cry. Mummy just got excited."

"Congratulations." Cersei rolled her eyes, then realized. "Oh my gods, she said her first word. She said her first word!" Cersei squealed with joy, and Cayte's lip began to quiver again. "You're going to be an amazing parent." Cersei pecked my lips.

"What, like I haven't been already?" I nudged her shoulder. Catelyn began to quiet, now watching us curiously. Cersei rubbed the small of my back, grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh, you know what I mean." After a brief moment of silence, us just staring at each other, she said: "Things have never felt more perfect. Things have never felt more right."

"Well, maybe the worst part is over." I leaned my head on her shoulder and Catelyn pulled at my bottom lip with her tiny fingers. She was smiling, too. Yes, maybe the worst part was over.