You Know Nothing || Cersei Lannister (GxG)

LIII.

I received a letter not long after Cersei announced her pregnancy to me. I was pleasantly surprised, as it was from my little sister, Sansa.

Dear Paityn, it read.

I miss you, sister. More than I would like to admit. It pains me so, being away from you, but when I remember how you've betrayed this family, there's no place I'd rather be.

   I stopped reading, putting my head in my hands. My chest hurt, and I hadn't even reached the fourth sentence. I never thought about it before, but could I be so selfish that I'd let the only family I had left slip through my fingers?

   The tears came hard and fast- everything swirled around me, but I forced myself to blink them away and continue reading the letter.

I love you, Paityn. I really do. But you make so many poor decisions, I would rather trust Petyr with my life's breath. I understand. You think you're in love. I thought I was too, until he took my father's head off. Arya and I are lucky. We escaped. I don't know if she's alive, but I know she's better off than you. You'll never be able to escape. You've made a bed for yourself, and you have to sleep in it. Right beside that viper you call a woman. I just pray to the gods you don't get bit. Because no matter if I don't trust you, no matter if we've grown up... you're still family. Listen, I won't come and rescue you, and I implore you not to come and rescue me. I'm perfectly happy where I am, and I know you are perfectly happy as well. Goodbye for now. I hope we one day meet again.

Sincerely, Your Sister, Sansa Stark

"Love, what's wrong?" Cersei found me not long after, questioning myself on the floor of her chambers. She was out that day, though I had insisted she rest- had some "matters to deal with."

   She pried the scroll from my cold hands when I didn't reply and begun to read it. I wanted to stop her, in fear of the stress it might cause her, but I could hardly move. I didn't know what was wrong with me- I just felt as though I was naked, no more to my family than what a pig could spit. I didn't even deserve the name anymore, did I?

   "Paityn..." she finished reading, the parchment floating from her hands and rolling back into its original form. "I'm so sorry."

   "It's not you." I shook my head. "It's me. I'm the disappointment. I'm the failure, the problem, the traitor..."

   "Stop that," she said firmly, grabbing my wrists and pulling me to my feet. "You're not a disappointment, not a problem in any way. Don't doubt your worth because of what your younger sister thinks."

   "But she's right." I said sadly. "She's so much wiser than I am, you know it's true."

   "No, I don't think I know it's true." Cersei replied. "From what I've gathered, she's a stupid little girl with stupid little dreams-"

   "Hey!" I barked. "Don't talk about my sister like that. She's an arse, but I love her. I just..."

   "You just what?" She asked, slightly exasperated. "What would you like me to say?"

   "I don't know!" I pulled my hands from her grasp and hugged myself, feeling cold all of a sudden. "Sometimes... sometimes I have to reflect on myself and see that I'm not a good person. I threw away everything- my family, my friends, my home... for you. Why would I do that?"

   "Because you loved me?" She asked, a tear slipping from the corner of her eye. She was hurt. "Or at least, I thought you did."

   "No..." I reached for her, but she pulled away.

   "Don't touch me. I don't want it."

   "Cersei... you know that isn't what I meant..." I pulled my arms back to my sides, sulking.

   "As far as I'm concerned, it's exactly what you meant." She spat, and I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

   "I'm truly sorry. I didn't want to upset you." I said softly. "I know that you're under a lot of stress-"

   "No, forgive me." She cut me off, inching closer, as if I wouldn't want to touch her after what she said. But the truth is, she could tell me to get out and I would kiss her first.

   I went to her, slipping my arms about her waist and kissing her cheek sweetly. I rested my head on her shoulder and she did the same, her hands cupping the small of my back.

   "I really am sorry." She said. "I shouldn't act like I'm the only one with problems. Everything that has happened to me has happened to you."

   "Almost." I mumbled, and she planted a kiss in my hair. We were about the same height, had been for a while, so our bodies molded together perfectly.

   "You're not a traitor." She told me. "You're not a failure. Sure, you love me, but is it a crime to love someone?"

   "Apparently it is when that someone is a Lannister." I said. "You know our families have been feuding for a long time."

   "I know." She said sadly. "I just like to forget sometimes."

   "I understand, but maybe one day..." I trailed off as an odd thought popped into my head.

   "What is it?" She asked as I chuckled to myself.

   "Nothing, it's just... I'm your sister-in-law. It just occurred to me." I shrugged, and she shrugged to me in reply, joking,

   "So? Incest has never stopped me before." I laughed, not moving from my place at her shoulder. "I love your laugh." She whispered in my ear, pulling my body along with hers as she swayed.

   "Why are we swaying? There's no music." I said.

   "Why does there have to be music?" She asked me. "Why can't our heartbeats and whispers of 'I love you' be enough?"

   "I guess they can." I blushed, moving to press the tip of my nose to hers. I then whispered, "I love you."

   "You're so... captivating. Bewitching." She smiled at me. "Virtuous. Magnificent. Lovely. I can't the world being this beautiful without you- the keep being so bright, the throne so shiny, my heart... my own heart so hopeful."

   "Hopeful for what?" I asked.

   "The rest of my life spent with you."