~Poems~

It's Childish, But It's All True

And so it all crashed down

My hope and all the dreamy what-ifs

I have written on every wall inside of my skull how much I hate you

You made me feel again

Hope again and maybe even love again

I know I should be happy for you

Tell you congratulations and that you look good together

I want you to be happy

But I wanna be the one making you happy that way

It's childish

It's all childish

What kind of friend am I to hope for you two to fall?

I just wish she was me

I still can't bury the fact that your smile makes something cold in me warm

Or that your grey eyes made that colour beautiful

It's not just a colour so tired that it has no contrast

It's rainy days, a shade perfectly between white and black and crystal

I'm gonna give you a smile

Hope the best for you

I can only hope to be your something at least

Because the thought of being your nothing hurts even more than not being your everything

I took this shot of love and it never got far

But it still blew up in my face

I hate you for how you made me hope

The logic step is to get over you

But dammit

I can't

It's a long drawn out torture

But why does this pain hurt so good?

I'll just stand in the shadows with my smile

Suck up my feelings and sulk about it in the solitude of my room later on

The things I would do for you

I can only hope that she'll do them too

I'll be fine

Being crushed and sick by these feelings

Maybe I needed someone to change the seasons in my body

It's been winter for far too long now

I tasted what company could feel like and loneliness just tastes bitter and like sadness

Now I don't know if I can go back

(29/july/2017)