Confessions of a Cynic

T H I R T Y - S E V E N

  "What letter, Psyche? I never wrote to you anything." 

"That letter...you gave me..."She stopped when she saw his face that was completely clueless about what she is talking about. The sudden realization made her embarrassed that she turn her back at him.

"Psyche, " He said, gently. "I swear. I didn't wrote to you anything." 

I know that now. She said so to herself but she couldn't face him like this knowing she has made a fool out of herself once more but can she really be blame for not knowing anything until to this day? 

"Psyche?" He moved to step forward but, she stopped her.

"Just stay there." She said and slammed the door in front of him. What am I thinking? I think I'm losing it already.  She leaned on the door, her right ear listening to whatever is outside. Both of them were quiet. The noises outside the streets were the only ones that broke the silence between them. 

"I wanted to see you." He said, moving his lips close to the door in hoping she might hear him. "I was looking for you because...well, I want to see you dress up. That night, they call me up on stage, I tried to look for an odd wearing person in the crowd. But, I didn't and it destroyed my whole evening." He waited for an answer but he didn't and so, he slid down and leaned his back on the door. 

But so did Psyche, on the other side, trying to ease the heavy feeling on her chest when she heard him say those things. But, nonetheless, she was happy.

"I was wearing a floral tulle dress." She told him and this made him chuckle.

"With a flower crown, I assume?"

"With a flower crown."

He chuckled once more. "That's so you, Psyche. I wish I could've seen it."

"It's ripped down to pieces now. Unfortunately."

And again both of them became quiet.

"I also like to see you that night. To see you come up on that stage and take that crown as people are cheering for you. It may annoy me but you deserve it anyway."

"Psyche, since you'd rather not face me, I think it's still important that you'd listen to me carefully. I have been thinking about this for too long and I really wanted to tell you that I am sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there to save you. I'm sorry for being too scared to show how much I really cared for you."

"I always wanted to see you everyday. Even just a strand of your mint colored hair or a blazing orange-whatever you would prefer that time-would leave a smile on my face knowing that you're there. You complete me, Psyche. No matter how much I tried to deny it, but I always come running back to you because...I am helplessly in love with you, Psyche."

"Those words I told you back in Greece? Those words I said the first time I no longer look at you as a friend but as a woman whom I want to be with for the rest of my life was never untrue. But, there's no helping it anymore. I am deeply and helplessly in love with you, Psyche McGee ."

And once again, the silence has crept in. "Psyche?"

"I really hate you, Eros Harrington."

He turned around to lean his right cheek on the door. She's in tears.

"You're so good at giving me some emotional roller coaster rides and inner turmoils for years. Been trying to suppress these affection but then, you do something incredibly stupid and it rises back up on the surface once again. I hate you. I really hate you." 

Eros chuckled at this. "Just open the door, Psyche. Let me see you." 

"No. I don't want you to see me like this. I'm ecstatic, don't get me wrong. We manage to know how we really couldn't lay off each other. I've been holding these affections for so long and I've been wanting to just throw these away because they hurt too much. I am helpless without you, Eros but I am also helplessly in love with you too. But they hurt so much. "

"You no longer need too, Psyche. I love you and you love me-let's finally be together." Those words could've melted any woman but, somehow she was finding it difficult to take it. "Don't you want to be with me?"

"I do. I really do but-I can't."

"Why is that? What do you mean?"

"Eros, we've known each other for a long time and I know your likes, dislikes, dreams and ambitions. And when I think that you'll be with me, there are some dreams that I couldn't give you."

"Just open the f*cking door, Psyche!" He began to  pound on the door.

"Eros, please."

"Those dreams will always be possible when you're with me."

Psyche shook her head. "Not all. I know you've always wanted to have a family of your own and Eros, I couldn't. I couldn't give you a family."

"What?"

"I can't bear a child, Eros."

Both of them didn't say a word. The dream Eros has with a house full of girls instantly vanish in a second. There giggles, their frilly dresses and their ribbons were gone in a snap of a finger the moment she broke the news. But would it really matter?

"Eros-"

"Do you think that would change anything how I feel about you, Psyche? You said so yourself that we've known each other for so long but just because of that you think that you couldn't give the life I've always wanted for you? For us? Apparently, you still don't know me. I am willing to lay my life for you, Psyche. I'll give anything and everything to you."

"I'm a cynic, Eros."

"I get it, Psyche. But that doesn't mean you're just going to leave anyone . You have to accept things especially from those people who really care for you. Not everyone's going to leave you." With those words, Eros left her apartment with a broken heart.