If someone asks we're just friends(Connor Franta fanfic)

I did the right thing here...I hope

"Tell me to stay and I'll stay,tell me to go and I'll go"..In order for him to be happy,I have to give up my happiness.I decided to let him go.Every time I think about it it's like a stab through the heart.In either way,I don't think we would be able to stay happy if he stays,this is his dream and I know that he would support me,so I can't be that selfish.After him waiting for the whole weekend I had to tell him.A mystery to me is his reaction.I just came up to him and said:

-"Go to LA"

-"What?"

-"I told you to go to LA"

-"REALLY?"a sudden smile appeared on his face

-"Really?" he asked again

-"Really,I don't have the wish to keep you here."

He jumped off the bed kissed me and rushed downstairs to tell his mom.I sat on the stairs putting my head to the wall and watching him jump all over the place...

-"Mom I'm going to LA my dreams are gonna come true"

-"Good for you I wish you the best"

After he jumped away to another room his mom went up to me and said

-"Are you ok?"

-"I'm trying"

-"You did the right thing you know that?"

-"Yes,and seeing him like this it's what i wanted" I put my head down.I just felt my head was heavier than my body,couldn't look up.

-"Ok,I'm leaving tomorrow." he literally ran to me

-"Well then we better help you pack" I said trying to pull off a smile.

-"Mmm,you help him I have to do something" his mom said."I have to do something" that's a girl's code word for "I want you to be alone with him".After saying that she went in the kitchen and he grabbed my hand and pulled me back to our room for him to pack.

-"I just can't wait,but from all the excitement i forgot to ask my princess how she is doing.I know you're not the happiest person right now.You don't have to pretend.Cry,scream do something this is not normal."

Stepping closer to him looking deep into his eyes I said:

-"Look,I'm really happy for you you know that."

If he only knew that i wanted to just sit there the whole time because I felt a force that was just dragging me down.

-"Remember when you were going to boarding school?Ahh the best round of hide and seek ever"

He was right.The same thing is happening here.Again,I don't want the sun to come out.For some unknown reason I was scared that if he walks through that door,I'll never see him again.And that is nonsense...I'm worrying for no reason...right?Oh God I hope so.For a few moments I forgot that he was leaving.We were us again.The decision was just dragging us apart by minute.So this night was one of our nights.This is what I was talking about when I said that I love him because he makes me smile even when I'm in pain.Of course in the back of my mind I'm like " He'll meet someone there,he'll be happy" and somehow I couldn't pull it out of my head.This is not a solid goodbye and it's not the end.I know,at least I hope I know it.I couldn't sleep all night but I forced him to go to sleep because he'll never be able to stay awake for more than 15 min if he stayed up all night.When I saw the sun raising I also heard his alarm go off.I pretended to sleep so he wouldn't worry.I heard him get up and at first I thought he wasn't gonna wake me up,but he got up so he can go on the other side of the bed to wake me.