Forever In Your Shadows

Chapter 24

Amelie's POV 

It was holiday break for us and I was not excited to go back to school. Scarlett came home from Julliard and mom would not stop being happy for her. I felt a little left out since mom would only talk with her about everything now. I would talk to dad occasionally about things, but other than that, nope. If they didn't want anything to do with me then so be it. 

"And what about auditions? You are following their rules right?" Mom asked Scarlett at the table. 

"They're starting to be a little more okay with people doing smaller productions off campus now. But I'm not going to risk anything for a part just yet." Scarlett said while taking a bite of her steak. "The classes are just starting to get easier and I start again in January." She laughed. 

"Well, during your second year you're going to have to start working on finding people to work under. It'll help you." Mom pointed. 

"Yes. If you don't start soon, you'll be very behind." Dad said with a mouthful of food. I rolled my eyes and just listened to their conversations. 

"Well, I passed all of my finals." Alejandro smiled. 

"That's great!" Scarlett smiled. "You're like wicked smart so that's no surprise though." She laughed. 

"I'm very proud of you Al." Mom smiled. "Amelie? Anything new?" She asked me. 

"Nope." I mumbled. 

"Okay..." Mom sighed. 

"What about school? Or anything outside of school?" Scarlett asked me. I shook my head and saw mom place her hand on Scarlett's arm. She looked up at mom and mom shook her head. "Alright..." She frowned. 

After dinner was over I hid myself back in my room and started to do some more sketches for my wall. I had a lot of them taped up there, but I needed to have a fresh start on the wall of art. I started to sketch a little humming bird and smiled at my work. The wings looked perfect.... Everything was perfect except the beak... It looked oddly misshapen... 

"Why do I suck at the beaks?" I sighed. I erased the beak and redid it until I knew it looked at least a little more decent for the wall. I was going to need structure if I was going to keep drawing. 

"Am?" I looked up and heard someone knocking on my door. "Can I come in?" I knew it was Scarlett... 

"Yeah." I called. She opened the door and walked into my room. She looked at my many sketches and smiled

"Your art is improving." She said while holding up one I did when mom tried to get me to smile at the zoo. I was smiling, but I wanted to sit and draw the animals instead of wander with them. 

"Thanks." I shrugged while hanging up my humming bird. 

"So.. You're quiet.. I know that's nothing new... But like... what's up?" She asked while sitting on my bed. 

"Nothing. I have nothing to say to anyone." I shrugged. 

"I feel like you do..." She frowned. "Why don't you talk to mom anymore?" She asked. 

"Why do I have to? Why do I have to talk to anyone? Why can't I just stay by myself and just make these sketches in peace?" I was getting angry. I didn't want to be bothered with this nonsense. People were aggravating me and I didn't want to talk to anyone. 

"Fine." Scarlett said while getting up. "But one more thing." She stopped and looked at me. 

"What?" I spat. 

"Don't kill yourself." She said while leaving my room. Why would I kill myself? I mean, yeah I hated everything about myself but I didn't plan on ending my life because of it. 

~~~

I left my room quietly around midnight and headed out to the living room. It was snowing outside and I wanted to watch it fall onto the fire escape. I smiled at the scenery and started sketching birds in snow. 

"You're up late." I jumped at the sound and saw mom sitting at the table hugging a mug. 

"Yeah..." I mumbled while going back to my sketch. I heard her get up from the table and walk over towards me. I heard her sit on the couch behind me and she didn't say anything.. "Why are you up?" I finally asked. 

"I don't sleep well anymore." She shrugged. "Too many worries." Worries? What worries? She had everything she could ever want. 

"Why?" I asked. 

"Nothing you should be worrying about." I turned to look at her and she smiled. 

"I hear you and dad fighting at night." I mumbled. I heard her take in a deep breath and sigh. "Are you guys getting a divorce?" I frowned.

"No.... We're going to be fine. Your father just has a different view than I on multiple things." She sighed. I nodded and continued to draw my birds. "I'm sorry your father and I don't really do much with you like we do Alejandro and Scarlett... We would if we knew what you liked... But you keep to yourself.. And we're afraid to guess what you like..." She explained. 

"It's fine." I shrugged. 

"It's not fine... You're our youngest and the one we should be paying most attention to. I feel like a terrible mother." I looked back at her and saw her staring at her mug. 

"You're not a terrible mom." I sighed. "You're just a mom." I shrugged. She nodded slowly and I saw that she was starting to cry... I frowned and climbed up on the couch with her. I set my sketch book aside and rested my head on her shoulder. I hadn't done this since I was a child... Like really tiny... "I do love you guys... I just don't fit in our family." Mom shifted and placed her mug on the table. Her arms wrapped around me and I could tell she was crying..

"You don't even know how much you fit into our family." She sniffed. "When you were little, you were just like your sister. Very vocal and opinionated." She laughed while wiping her eyes. 

"What do you mean?" I asked. 

"You would argue with anyone about anything. We thought you would grow up to be a lawyer." She smiled. "But then you started to play doctor to your stuffed animals so we thought maybe you would be a vet." She said while pulling my hair from my face. I liked when she played with my hair... It was relaxing. "You always used all of the bandaids from the first aid kit to put all over them." She laughed. "Then you demanded that we send you off to London in search of Hogwarts." 

"I did?" I laughed. 

"Yes. Your dad never laughed so hard in his life." She smiled. "But then you had a mental break when grandpa died..." She frowned. "Then you shut us out and didn't talk to us as much. I know you two were close... And I know how much it hurt you when he did pass..." She sighed. "Everyone hurt so much..." 

"I miss him..." I frowned. "I wish he hadn't died.. It was my fault..." I began crying and mom comforted me. 

"It wasn't your fault... Grandpa was already sick... We didn't know how much longer he had anyway... He specifically asked that we don't tell his grandkids. I'm so sorry..." She said while hugging me. I cried into her chest while she rubbed my back. She was crying too... "I miss him too..." She whispered. "It'll be okay." She sniffed. 

After our crying session, mom talked to me more about me as a tiny child and how sassy I was to everyone. I didn't know mom really cared this much about me... 

"You should get to bed... I know you're on break, but we have to leave tomorrow for Chicago to see grandma." She said while patting my leg. 

"Alright." I said while gathering my things. 

"Amelie..?" Mom asked when I started walking away. 

"Hm?" 

"You would like going to an art museum right?" She asked. I nodded and she smiled. "Alright. Goodnight." 

"Goodnight mom." I smiled.