My Tease

Acceptance?

Jin pov

A minute goes by as Sung Kyung waits for me to say what's on my mind. With tear stained cheeks and my nose threatening to leak, I clear my head of any doubts. I need to let it out. All this struggling by myself has worn me down to the bone. It's immobilized me mentally and physically. As Sung Kyung said...when will I be free?

Freedom.

"I've been dealing with a lot lately. Not just about the shooting. I guess it's been a constant battle I've been having with myself...for years." I pause as her brows furrow. "I lost confidence in myself about who I was so much that I closed myself off and it was eating me alive up to this point." I bite my lip and let out a shaky breath. "I'm gay."

She looks at me...like really looks at me. Her eyes bore into my soul and dig up all my insecurities. Her eyes unlock the chest I hid behind vague answers and avoidance. All my wounds seem to float into the palm of her hands. Before I know it, I'm bulldozing brink walls down and telling her every detail of what happened to me my senior year of high school.

I tell her about coming out to my parents.

I tell her about confessing to Daehyun.

I tell her about my tragic Valentine's day.

I tell her everything that Namjoon knows.

-that Daehyun got in contact with me and how I wished for his death...

I tell her the secret that Namjoon has yet to hear.

The secret only meant to stay between the three of us.

Daehyun, Suyeol and I.

The reason my resolve to give up on being gay became clear as day. The reason I cursed Daehyun to hell and what has me weaping in Sung Kyung's arms...

***
The time I spent with Sung Kyung was refreshing. I explained that even though I am out to her, I still need more time to feel comfortable in my own skin. She understood where I was coming from and promised not to be overbearing with this side of me she's just seeing. As I walk back to my dorm there are still people talking about the incident, causing my body to tense so I put my headphones in.

I turn the volume up to the highest setting and lower my head. My pace picks up a little, dodging people that pass. Everyone moves out of the way as I walk, but a pair of feet inch closer to me causing me to look up and an instant wave of confusion washes over me followed by worry.

It's Youngjae.

"Hi." He offers a weak smile while I plant my feet firmly to the ground.

"Hey..." we stare at each other awkwardly until I build up enough nerve to say something. "Were you looking for me?" He sighs and nods his head timidly.

"Yes, actually. I need to talk to you about Daehyun." My stomach drops and my mouth dries. Is he alright? Did he finally finish the job? Is he dead? Youngjae must see all the questions running across my mind so he continues, "He could better. He's been trying to think of ways to get you to forgive him. He's...desperate."

My eyes harden and I fold my arms out of habit. "Did you come here to beg for him?" He blinks and scratches his head.

"I would if I thought it would work on you." He answers. "You obviously have no idea how sorry he really is-" he pulls out his phone and scrolls through it a little before handing it back to me. "These are some messages he sent me his freshman year..."

"You kept them?"

"They seemed too important to erase." He shrugs his shoulders and I bite down on my lip anxiously. I glance down at the first text message. It seems like an invasion of privacy but I let my eyes soak everything up like a sponge.

Y: Are you okay? You seemed off today.

D: I'm fine.

Y: Really? Come on, what's up?

D: It's hard to talk about.

Y: This is a judge free zone.

D: ...I did something really bad to one of my friends from high school and today was his birthday. I can't get rid of this guilty feeling and it's suffocating. I don't know what to do about it...

Y: What did you do to your friend if you don't mind me asking...

D: If I told you, you wouldn't be my friend anymore...especially since you're gay.

Y: Do you regret it?

D: More than anything.

Y: Then, I won't hold it against you. What happened?

I scroll through his messages with Daehyun as he describes most of the ways he put my life through hell. My eyebrows shoot up when I notice he left something out. I reread a little, trying to see if I missed it but no it's not there. So he left that out meaning the only people that know of it are Suyeol, Daehyun, Sung Kyung and I.

"You see now? He has always regretted what he did to you." Youngjae says and I stare at him blankly. I have two options right now.

Option one: Tell Youngjae what terrifying experience Daehyun and Suyeol put me through. Possibly ending Youngjae's relationship with Daehyun and exposing another scar I've kept hidden. Not to mention it could put Daehyun in a downward spiral and push him to the point of suicide...

Or...

Option two: Keep my mouth shut and avoid ruining everything Daehyun built up these passed three years. But then Youngjae wouldn't really understand why it's so hard for me to forgive him...

After a moment I settle for option three:

"Youngjae, I know you're a good person and all but if you want to really understand why I'm hesitant to forgive him...ask him about what he did to me on graduation day." Youngjae gives me a confused look and I sigh. "A lot happened that's hard for me to talk about but...let Daehyun know I don't really want him to kill himself. I was really upset seeing him again after all these years and it just came out."

"Will you talk to him again? What do you mean what happened graduation day?" He questions, instantly confirming my suspicions. Daehyun was sure to leave that part out and I could see why. Even now my blood still runs cold from the memory.

The feeling of being constricted resurfacing, makes my body tense. I exhale letting my shoulders relax and eye Youngjae. "If he tells you what he did...i'll talk to him again."

I notice a sliver of hope flash through his eyes before it's quickly replaced with worry at the thought of uncovering what Daehyun allowed to happen. He licks his lips, nervously.

"Thank you."

All I do is nod my head unsure of what to say. He won't be as grateful when he hears everything. Nonetheless, we part ways and I continue my journey back to my dorm praying that everything was cleaned up by now.

A/N Woohoo an update! Thank you guys for your concern. I really appreciate it. I am feeling a lot better this week and I know my grandma is in a better place. It also helps that I am somewhere I've wanted to travel to for years now. You guessed it, I'M IN SOUTH KOREA! My study abroad program just started for my university and I am so happy. I'm in Incheon now and want to visit Seoul soon. I'll keep everyone updated and plan to write a book on my experience with some funny stories I have here too. I'll let my wonderful burritos know once I put out the first chapter. Until next time, DEUCES!