My Tease

Out

Jin pov

Hoseok pulls his phone back as I recall that night. We both ended up drunk and had to hold ourselves together. A small smile plays on my lips as I recount how we sang BigBang Bang Bang Bang together at the top of our lungs while everyone cheered for us. Hoseok was the first real friend I made in college and to this day I'm so thankful I met him. 

"You can cry or we can just talk. I'm all ears," He comforts and I pick at my body pillow. " I won't judge you." His eyes pierce mine, a curious gleam in them. He's trying so hard to remain cool, but I know he's been itching to know what's going on in my mind. 

"I know you won't judge me..." I twist my mouth to the side, unsure of where to start. I haven't talked to Hoseok in so long and now it's like there's something blocking my vocal cords. "Hold on. I don't know why I can't say this out loud." I pick my cell phone off the mattress next to me and begin typing what I want to say in my notes. I glance up every couple seconds to see Hoseok eyeing me with anticipation.

He really is bad at waiting. 

After another minute, I hand him my phone and curl into a ball. My vision is blocked by my knees but my ears are analyzing the smallest sounds. Hoseok clearing his throat, Hoseok's feet sliding across the floor, the bed creaking and then suddenly I'm being blanketed by his arms. "You shouldn't let his words effect you. He's grieving and so are you." His arms tighten around me as a lone tear slips down my cheek. A few seconds go by and my heart rate speeds up as doubt sets in. Is he not going to mention the last part I wrote? My worry disappears when he pulls away and lifts my head up so we're keeping eye contact. "You are still a good person and being gay will never change that."

Text

There have been so many things bothering me. I don't know where to start. My mind has been all over the place. 1st, I'm glad you were looking for me...I really needed a friend, but I couldn't find the energy to do anything this week. A few days ago Yaeji's room mate cornered me in the hallway and blamed me for him being in a coma. I guess that just sent me into a downward spiral. I already felt guilty and then he said that...anyways, I'm trying my hardest to move on, but that hurt. It's kind of hard because I'm constantly reminded of what happened by the dried blood on the floor and the memories. But, that's not the only thing I've been stressing over. I want to feel more comfortable being myself....a while ago. I had a friend that messed me up and made me think I was wrong for being...gay. I don't want to hide it anymore... 

I feel all the stress leave my body as he smiles at me. "I knew you would accept me," I whisper.

"Well, of course I would! I even said you could crush on me." He laughs and I find myself laughing too. The time slowly passes as we talk like old times; sadness nowhere in sight. My heart just feels full. Sung Kyung and Hoseok both understand. Even though they are my best friends, the scars of having my best friend betray me in the past still guided my movements. 

Not anymore. 

I know I can trust them and be open. I wish I could reverse time and have been honest from the beginning, but they haven't shown any signs of being upset so I let that thought leave. "Want a water?" I offer.

"Sure." I slide off of my bed and move towards the mini fridge. As I'm opening it, I notice something being slipped under my door. I quickly grab the water bottles and pass Hoseok his before picking up the white envelope from off my floor. The envelope is blank, but inside is a folded piece of paper. "What's that?"

I walk back to my bed and open the paper. The first thing I notice is that it's a hand written note. My eyes travel over the blue ink and shaky lines, reading every last detail. I feel my heart speed up as Hoseok looks over my shoulder. I don't try to block his line of sight since I'm so absorbed in the message myself.