My Tease

No Words

Namjoon pov

The bathroom is filled with Jin choking back his tears while I just stand in place not sure how to react. I've never seen him this...distraught. His face is red with crying as he wipes furiously away at his eyes. "How would you feel..." He sobs, "If your best friend- if Yoongi tried to cure you? How would that tear you up on the inside?"

At this point, I'm shocked that his legs haven't given out from the way he's shaking. "Imagine- going to school and getting held down against your will while someone shoves a mop into your face or-or having your clothes stolen after gym and being trapped in the locker room naked. C-can you even wrap your head around something like that? What it feels like to have your best friend kicking you down until you're the same as the dirt on the ground?" 

I finally will my body to move and I pull Jin into my arms. My brain is numb, not able to form any comforting sentence or find any word that could possibly calm him down. I know for a fact that he's been holding this in for a really long time and he's letting it all flow out of him. "Namjoon, you have no idea what that's like. You were probably accepted by your friends and life was just so easy for you wasn't it?"

I bite down on my lip because he's right. I never went through that in my life. My friends and family supported me and if I so happened to run into a homophobic person, I just ignored them or fought back. He pulls away from me and gives me the most pitiful look I've seen on anyone. "Please, this is my life...I don't want to experience that ever again. I just want my life to be-" He closes his eyes as he tries to find the right words. "Normal."

"But, this is living a lie." I pull him into my arms again and stroke his hair. "Don't you want to be able to live how you want, love who you want and just be free?" I'm shocked when he wraps his arms around me.

"I'm not strong enough for that." His hands bunch around the back of my shirt and I pull him closer. 

"Don't let them force you back into the closet. Your mom and dad accept you. I accept you-"

"It doesn't matter..." He sniffles. "I don't accept myself." He pulls away and offers a smile. "I'll be alright. I can deal like this and everything will be okay. Can you keep what I told you between us?" I frown at his request, but a few knocks on the door alert us that we should probably leave.

"I don't know Jin. This is serious." He shakes his head.

"I'm happier this way." He states, but I can see all the torment as if it was sharpied on his forehead. He walks passed me and fixes himself in the mirror one last time before unlocking the door. A man gives us a death glare and shoves Jin out of the way. I'm about to say something, but Jin walks out the door without a second to spare. For some reason, it's like his words opened up a void in my heart. I hold my hands up to my face, wishing that Jin would come back and run into them. 

He can't live like this. Not for the rest of his life, another four years, a month, a day, a minute, a second. I have to help him. He doesn't want anyone else to know, then fine. No one will until he's ready, but he has to accept himself.

                              ***

Jin pov

The ride back to campus was silent. No one spoke and I barely glanced at my mom in the passenger seat. I could tell she regretted blabbing everything without consulting me first. I regretted agreeing to go to dinner. My head hurts, my throat hurts, everything just hurts. I'm tired and I wouldn't be surprised if my fever comes back. I pull my car into park and exhale. "Namjoon, I have to talk to my mom. You can go without me."

"...Okay." I wait for him to close the door before I turn in my seat and face her. I press my lips together when her lip is already trembling and her eyes are full of tears. I know where I get my crying from at least. She cries for everything. If she's happy you better expect some waterworks. If she's sad a dam just broke loose. Mad, it's a typhoon and now she's guilty and a hurricane is in sight. 

"Sweetie, I didn't mean to-" I frown, but wipe her tears. She presses her face into my hand and lets out a breath. "Are you still upset?"

"I'm...I'm not mad at you..." I lie. I am mad at her. I could have kept living my mildly sane life avoiding Namjoon's questions until I graduated, but here I am trying to fix things because of my mother. 

"You're my son. I can tell when you're lying." She responds and I pull away. 

"I am a little ticked off, but I'll get over it. You don't have to cry." I grumble and fold my arms. "Nothing will change. Just promise to not tell anyone else." She puts her hand on my coat sleeve and I try to ignore her touch.

"But, that's what I was scared of." She reveals, "Sweetie, I let you do this at first because I was worried about your mental state, but it's gone on for way longer than it should have. Your father and I haven't changed our minds...we still love you. Even now as you battle against yourself-"

"I'm not battling against myself. My mind was made up back then and it still is now." 

"Listen." Her voice is stern and the pressure on my arm has tightened. I spare a glance her way and her eyes are now dry. "You are gay, Jin. My son is gay and he is not this empty hollow of a person. You can try to block out what ever thoughts you have for the same sex, but your father and I will never forget how you came out to us. You can't erase that." She unbuckles her seat belt. "I hope one day you'll come back to us...happy again. Don't live in fear."

She lets herself out of the car and slams it shut. She walks around the front and I follow her as she goes to her own car and starts the ignition. She's staying at a hotel in town for the night, so I don't have to wonder where she's headed as she pulls off. Instead, I bury my head into my hands and just stay in my car to think.

Namjoon knows...

A/N What an emotional roller coaster! Hope you all enjoyed. Until next time, deuces my burritos!