The Tsar's Wife

Memories of The Past

Alexei sat in Nicholas's office later the next day, looking over some political papers his mind wasn't grasping onto very well. His mind was distracted and seemed to be unable to focus on anything but what was running through his head at random. Nicholas was in his desk, smoking a cigarette while writing a reply to Olga and Alexei was too distracted to smell the sour smoke or ask his father politely to put it out, he barely even acknowledged it. He gave a small sigh, and took one look at the papers and came to find he had lost his place and couldn't remember for the dear life of him where he was at or what the paper was even about. He gave up on the document, sitting it down on the small desk beside him quietly so his father wouldn't see him.

Alexei leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes and thanking God his mother wasn't around or she would have scolded him into the next century for laying in such an unruly position. He had so many things on his mind, he didn't even think about what was happening in the present sometimes and he noticed himself zoning off more and more often whenever his mind decided to wander to sometimes unpleasant places no one would want to venture. He was going to be the Tsar, and in less than a year. The fact scared him sometimes, although he was very well prepared to take on the throne he had been quite literally born for. He felt ready to become the Tsar, but he didn't know how the rest of Russia would react during his reign, and he hoped his wouldn't end as tragically as his great grand father's did.

Alexander II was riding in a carriage that was a gift from Neapolon III, when a bomb struck. The bomb killed several onlookers as well as injuring them and Alexander made the mistake of getting out of the carriage to inspect the damage when a bomb was thrown directly in between his legs and went off, killing most of the people who had survived around them. When the smoke cleared, Alexander's legs were crushed and torn, and he asked to be taken back to the Winter Palace to die there with his family. The Tsar didn't last longer than 90 minutes after bringing him back to the palace, and the reign of Alexander III of Russia, was now over.

This was just one Tsar that was assassinated, Alexei may one day be a part of those Tsar's if people didn't agree with how he ran things in Russia. The wedding was another thing that plagued his mind, but those thoughts seemed to make him feel better than worse. He knew the wedding would be a bit hard fro Olive to handle with all the official ceremonies and the fact that she had to remember what to say and how, and he sometimes felt that he was putting a burden on her by proposing to her.
His proposal to Olive definitely hadn't been one that was traditional for a Tsar. He asked her before gaining permission from his parents to do so, which as custom in the Tsar's proposal, and he didn't announce it to anyone he would propose to her and did it on impulse.

However many of these thoughts seemed to worry him, the thought of Olive cheered him right up.

He loved her, and no matter what he always would even if she decided she didn't love him back. Alexei never really expected to fall in love, he expected to marry some foreign princess or Grand Duchesses for political reasons and that would be the end of it. With Olive he saw a completely different future, and he had to say he favored it over any other outcome that may have happened if he hadn't met her. He remembered the schoolboy crush, and then her kissing him on the balcony that first time and how his heart seemed to start falling from there on. The ball is where he really knew he had feelings for her that were more than just a crush, when he had the impulse to suddenly kiss her, a kiss he had been wanting and waiting for a very long time. He remembered how warm and happy he felt, like there was a ray of sunlight in his chest, but it didn't occur to him it may be love until later.

Whenever she told him about her and Enoch, he felt as if he had been ripped in half, and instead of expressing the pain he felt in sadness, he expressed it in anger. He didn't know he was capable of saying such cruel words to someone he loved so much, and when he glimpsed the look of pain and hurt and regret on Olive's tear streaked face, he couldn't help but feel a huge ache in his chest, but somehow his rage seemed to keep coming out of him. The pain and sadness had caught up with him almost directly after he reached the hallway to his room, ignoring all the concerned looks and shouts from Tatiana, Olga,and Maria as he shut the door and didn't let himself out. Almost as soon as the door shut, the tears had come, and all the anger faded away to a horrible, heart wrenching ache and he fell to the floor, sliding down his door to land with a small bump on the wooden floor.

He had never had his heart broken before that moment, but he knew in that moment that's what was happening to him. He cried like a small child, his arms crossed on his knees and his head resting on top of his arms. He knew that she probably hated him now, he had lashed out at her violently with words and hadn't even tried to talk it out with her. No matter how much he wanted to hate her, to let her disappear from his thoughts and his life, he couldn't. He still wanted her just as badly as he did before, now even more so that he lost her, and he hated himself for it. When he went to retire later that night for bed, his leg bumped the hard wood enough to  leave a bruise, and that's the hemophilia attack took while of him, making him shout in pain from the blood pooling around his joints as nearby soldiers flooded into the room as well as his sisters.

He blacked out from the pain, but remembered waking up to see his family crowded around him in a hospital bed, and his mind was spinning. It only took a few seconds for the heartache to settle back in and his mind to be plagued with images of Olive. He begged and begged like a toddler for someone to bring him Olive, for he was certain that he would die the first few days because the swelling and pain was so bad. He wanted to see her again, tell her he was sorry and he cared for her deeply, and when she finally came to see him, he was surprised to find her so distressed. She was worried he was going to hate her still, but that wasn't the case. He still wanted her, he still cared for her, no matter how hard he told himself he didn't.

Once she was back in his arms, he could feel his heartache leave his chest and be replaced by sheer joy and love for Olive, though he didn't realize it was love until a few days afterwards. She asked him what ya lyublyu tebya meant and the words instantly came into his head, he froze for a second. He knew he loved her then, as soon as the words popped into his head, he just automatically knew. He was tempted to say it out loud, but he wasn't sure if she was ready to hear those words from him yet, Alexei himself hadn't been quite ready to realize it. She told him she loved him for the first time after he was sent home, and he could finally walk again. They were taking a walk in the gardens, hand in hand, when she suddenly blurted it out and her cheeks became red and she quickly averted her gaze as if she were afraid of his reaction.

He was so shocked and overjoyed to find that Olive had admitted to him she was in love with him. He pulled her in for a kiss, and they stayed like that for what seemed for hours until he pulled back and looked directly into her aquamarine eyes, and told her loved her too. They began to say it as often as a greeting, and neither one took it for granted. Alexei knew he would never be able to let her go after that, she was too precious to him. He was so in love with her, and he hadn't expected to fall so hard for anyone in his entire life, much less a shy girl he met at a ball on his 18th birthday.

I really wanted to do this! I'm sorry if it seemed out of the blue and not in the present that much,I just wanted to show hoe Alexei was feeling during the events of the last book and I even slipped in a scene we didn't get to see! Maybe I'll put the whole thing in writing in a flashback or something. The picture at the top is one I made of Alexei to seem old fashioned, he would have been so handsome! ! Thanks for reading guys!!!