Short Of a Breath

|Chapter 3|

"i-that wasn't..I didnt mean..it-" before I could finish my disaster of an apology, he stopped me.
"Hey, no worries. Name's Ryan, you?" He walks over to his bed and grabs one of his stuffed bunnies. I sit on my bed and look in his direction.
"Frank" I smile
He laughs, Laying in his pile of stuffed animals.
"Yea, I know. Mrs. Carrie told me about you. schizophrenia huh?" He stares at me. How the fuck does he know that?
"How-" he raised his hand
"Don't worry, it's normal, she warns all of us of our illnesses, just to be prepared. Like me for instance, everyone knows that I have PTSD, and depression, everyone knows about everyone here, you know? Well except for Party Poison." He trails off.
"Party Poison?" I laugh. Sounds like some type of drug
He laughs and sits up. "They never told you 'bout him, huh? Well, come here, so I can tell you a nice mysterious story" he patted the side of the bed next to him, and I move to his side, waiting for something ridiculous to come out of his mouth, for some reason. Nothing seemed serious here at all.
"Now Party's 20, he's been here longer than any of the boys, including me, and I've been here for almost 3 years. He barley ever talks, and usually when he does, it's always when he's mad or annoyed by someone, now he's strange too, he only ever talks to Ray, the units counselor, guessing you met him?" I nod
"Well he only talks to him and he is always in his room, so one day, when he went to Rays office for a meeting, my curiosity got the best of me and I snuck into his room enough to see posters and drawing of things hung everywhere around the room, full of drawing of guns and lasers that look like there from the future, and people dressed up in Dracula masks, and bright costumes, and helmet's, and it was all going to one word: Killjoys." I try to find something to say, but was too confused to say anything.
"It's a big headache, yeah, but jeez it's really crazy to think about, he's a puzzle as it is"
I look at the door across the hall, and ponder about what's behind it.
"Boys! Time to go to the Cafe!"
Ryan's face lit up as he jumped off his bed.
"Fuck yea! Food!" He grabs my wrist, grabbing ahold of my stitches in the process, I flinch, pulling my arm back.
"Ah, fuck.." I pull up my sleeve to see my stitches at the bottom of my wrist freshly cut, bleeding down my arm. "Shit.." I cover it up with my jacket, and look up to see Ryan staring at me, shocked.
"Jesus, Frank...I didnt know, I wouldn't ha-" don't please.
"It's fine, let's go." I walk past him, straight towards the living room. The boys had lined up in a line and we're waiting for us there.
" Hey boys. Hope you're settling in alright, Frank. It's nice to meet you I'm Derrick, I'm the night staff here for the unit. Stand at the back of the line please." The staff instructed us.
As we waited to be taken down to the cafeteria, I overhear Derrick talking into his phone to someone else. "Party's in his room, don't disturb him, he'll come out on his own, thank you."
After about 5 minutes, we all walk in a kindergarten like line to the basement, which is basically the Cafeteria, is what Derrick had explained to me. As we walked into the room, there were tables lined in the room with large, long tables with chairs. Some were already occupied with people, well girls. Every person sitting was a female. Finally realizing unit 2 was the girls unit. As we walked to go get in line, all the girls started staring at me making weird ass faces.
Goddammit stop staring at me..
I could hear their conversations as we made it to the line.
"Omg, look, he's hot."
"Ugh, no, I'm not into punk emo dudes" some girl giggles
"Pfft says the one who'd kill a man for Tyler, even though he doesn't even know your name, Jenna."
They all laugh.
I try my hardest to tune them out, finding something else to think about while I got my food.
I never really liked girls, I purpysly dated one, and that lasted for about 2 weeks tops. Their too emotional to me, wanting things I can't possibly give in return. I can barely understand how I'm feeling, let alone someone else. I was just, more into boys, well, Gerard.
As I sat down at the table with Ryan and the rest of the boys I tune into their conversation.
"...yea, dude she's really hot, I'm telling you."
"Ew, no. Jenna talks way too much" the boy in front of me whines
"Oh come on Dallon, then who do you like?" Ryan says with a mouthful of meatloaf and potatoes.
"I'd say, lynzy, she's got that chill rocker vibe, you know?" Dallon looks at a girl sitting by herself eating her food. With black hair pulled back into pig tails, wearing a black T-shirt and a plaid school girl skirt and boots, I could tell where he'd get her rocker thing. She had it going for her.
"What about you Frank?" Ryan says
"Huh?" I look up from my untouched plate of food.
"Who do you think is hot, like who do you like?" Dallon said smirking, his head gesturing towards the groups of girls.
"I don't know any of those girls to really like them" I sip my ice water and stare at the ceiling.
I wonder how many tile are up there.
"Well who'd you think is hot?"
"Ryan, I'm not really into girls, okay?" I blurt out.
Dallon and Ryan exchange looks, then burst out into laughter.
"I never thought you'd be gay" Ryan lets out, laughing way too loud for my comfort.
"Listen, first of all, I've only known you for about, what? 30 minutes, and second, I can like who I please, boy, girl, a fucking rock, it doesn't matter. If you can drool over a bunch of basic chicks, than I can like guys, okay?" I stare at them both, annoyed as hell by their ignorance.
They stop laughing, and I thought they were going to say something until they stare at something behind me, with a scared like expression on their faces, so I turn around to see.
When I turn around I see a boy with bright fire like red hair, wearing a bright blue leather jacket, yellow shirt, and blue jeans, walking to our table. I stare at him as he makes his way over and don't really pay attention until he taps my shoulder, being almost three inches away from me.
"My seat, kid." He looks at me and moves back, imagining I was going to get up and give him the spot. I look back at Ryan and Dallon and basically the entire table was staring at me and him only. What's the big deal? It's a seat.
" Come on, squirt" he says louder.
I look at him and start to get pissed again. This is the last thing I need right now.
"Listen, I get your the tough guy around here, but I sat here and I'm kinda gonna stay here, so tough luck, I guess" I didnt really plan on saying something like that, but really, it just came out.
Everyone in the whole cafeteria was staring now. Not one person was paying attention to anyone except us two.
"Alright smart ass, tell me how meatloaf and potatoes go with that emo punk hair do of yours"
Before I could say anything, he dumped his entire tray onto my head, lumps of meat and potatoes falling onto my head, all over my clothes. Everyone gasped, no one laughed, unlike I expected, or even said anything, not even the staff.
What the actual fuck
He throws the tray on the table and looks at me.
"Listen, punk, I don't have anyone talk to me, especially in that way, so keep your mouth shut, and listen." He turns around and walks out of the cafe, and I'm left with dinner spilled, all over me.

________________________

When we got to the unit I went straight to my room to get new clothes. Because of the situation, Derick let me take a shower early. So I grabbed pj bottoms and a t-shirt, walking into the bathroom, and shut the door.
I turn on the shower and wait for it to warm up. When i take off all my clothes, I glance at myself in the mirror, fully letting my features sink in. Dark circles under my eyes, from crying and lack of sleep. Food covering my black and red streaked hair and arms, boney arms and chest as a whole, and just disgusting-, I look away before I can comment on a another flaw, stepping into the shower. Not wanting to look at that disaster any longer.
I sit on the tiled floor, knees to my chest, letting the water cascade down my body, trying my hardest not to think about anything.
Don't think, Frank. Don't think.
"May I join you?" I turn to see Gerard's head peaking in through the curtains. I flush a deep shade of red realizing he was staring at my dirty, naked body, yet I nod anyways. He pokes his head out, as he strips off his clothes. He got into the shower and helped me to my feet. I stare down at his body and flush even darker, imagining he could feel the heat radiating off of my body.
He chuckles at my expression, lifting some of my hair up with his two fingers.
"You know, you can't really get any of this meatloaf off if you're laying on the floor like that, you know. May I?" He lifts a sponge to my veiw and I nod again, allowing him to clean me off. He slowly brushed the sponge in my hair and on my back, cleaning off all of the food, and washing my hair.
"I'm sorry this happened, Frankie, but it's gonna get better, I promise." I sigh and lay my head back on his chest looking up Into his eyes.
"Don't promise me something you're not sure of" I sigh and lean against the wall. He moves onto me, grabbing ahold of my shoulders. I blink slowly at him, meeting his stern eyes once again.
Those eyes. Fuck, those eyes, will be the death of me.
"Frank, you are the strongest damn person I know, look what you've been through, I swear to you, this is as worse is it gets" he lets out, pulling a piece of food from the wall, beaming at me. He cups my face, looking at me, and I take my chance to lean in, watching his pale pink lips, feeling the warm water fall on us like summer rain.
"Frankie..I." he whispers, but I block it out, as my lips connect with his. Like a battery to a wire. Electric. I lean in and so does he, I put my hands around his neck, ruffling his wet grey hair, deeping the kiss. Until he pulls away, now only holding onto my shoulders staring at the floor.
"Frankie- i...I can't- I'm not"
"You're not what, Gerard?"
He sighs.
"Frank, I'm a curse- look what I did to you, because i- I was weak, Frankie, I- I'm not worth it- I'm no good for you." I come closer and lay my head on his shoulder, putting my lips to his ear.
"You aren't the only one who's made that mistake Gee"
"Well my mistake was permanent, Frank.." he lays his head on my shoulder, holding me tight.
"Remember that saying, we always use to say, Gee?" He lets out a raspy laugh.
"yea, I do"
"What was it?" I say wanting him to repeat what we'd say to each other everytime we felt down, when we were younger. I hold him around his waist, nuzzled in his neck.
"And through it all-" he began.
"We'll find some other way." We both say it in unison, making my heart flutter, bringing back memories we had together, then just imagining making so much more.
He kisses my shoulder for a moment, making my heart start up once again.
"Gee?"
"Yea, Frank" he mumbles
" Promise to stay with me, no matter what, stay with me. Always." He hugs me tighter.
"I'm right here Frank. No matter where I am, okay?"
I smile, putting my lips to his neck.
"Okay"
We sat on the ground for what felt like a lifetime, holding each other.
A lifetime, that I enjoyed living.