Short Of a Breath

|Chapter 20|

"Jesus Christ, Mikey ive missed you-"
He walks up, grabbing me into a hug.
"Fucking hell, Frank. It's been so long"
I smile into his shoulder holding him as tight as I could.
A random thought popped into my head.
Did he know?
Did he know Gerard was?...
I let go, looking up at him, realizing how tall the Way brothers were compared to me.
"Mikey, you do know about, you know..." I couldn't let out. It hurt, way to much to say. He knew though, the moment I started mumbling and looking down at the floor he sighed.
"Yes. I know he's dead."
Even with Mikey in front of me, I couldn't be happy. Because I knew then, that he wasn't.
I spoke quickly, trying to get everything out all at once.
"How?..i mean, why aren't you guys- you know?"
He smiles at me, ruffling my hair.
"Calm down. its okay, frank."
How? You and Gerard are dead and are both driving me insane.
He sat down gesturing me to the seat right in between him and Party, who's sitting silently, as if nothing was going on.
"Yeah, we're not together, I'd tell you but, it's really hard to explain"
Well it's hard living without you, but I'm doing it anyways, so what?
Calm down, frank.
"I don't understand, you live in it don't you?"
Wrong words to put together, frank. Great job.
Mikey just looked down at his hands, which were splattered with green paint, making me remember how much he obsessed over the color green.
"I can't, frank... I don't even tell Party"
I stared at Party, when his name was thrown into the air. He looked depressed, picking at his bright blue jacket, the most silent that I'd ever seen him.
I turn to Mikey folding my arms to my chest, laying back in the chair.
"Hey mikes" I say, basically grabbing both his and Party's attention.
"Hm?" He didn't look up at me, only picked off flecks of paint from his hands.
"Why'd you give this kid the name Party Poison?" I gestured to Party.
He smiles down to the floor, than met my gaze.
"He always had the spunk, you know? The spirit. Besides, the name had to live on."
Wait...what?
I replayed his words in my head, feeling anger and sorrow, all at once, because of how easy he replaced his own brother. I bunch my hands up into fists, putting them to my side, not realizing both Party and Mikey were staring at me with concern and confusion, but that wasn't the thing bothering me at this point.
"I'm gonna go, eat s'more of your food, Iero. See you, Kobra"
Hearing him say Mikey's childhood name, even though he wasn't there at that time, pissed me off even more then I thought.
Mikey waved at him, as he went past him into the room, leaving me and Mikey alone.
Now don't get me wrong I've been wanting to be with him for a while, it's just... nothing felt right.
"Frank listen, I do miss Gee, with a burning passion, but-"
"No fucking buts Mikey, he's your brother, your aren't making sense" I stand up and look at my reflection from the window.
Black greasy looking hair and a pain stained mess for a face.
I basically spelled out the words 'kill me now'.
I rubbed my eyes, watching myself in the window
He put his hand on my shoulder, turning me around.
"Frank, I know how much you care for him, but you have to keep going, it isn't the end of the world, I promise"
Hearing that on and on in my head made me really question why I was still here. Out of everything we did together, our happy days and our strange.

No one understands. I thought out of everyone, he'd at least understand.
But it meant absolutely nothing to him.
"Could you say the same to Party?" I blurted out
Watching his expression fall, I finally got it...
I understand now.
"Gerard is gone, frank you need to accept the facts that!-"
I push him away.
"You need to fucking accept the fact that you're in love with Party and and it's isn't going to work! So you're pushing your family away!"
He blinked at me, then exploded.
"The family I had gave up and put a fucking knife to their wrists!"
I stared blankly at him, as tears starting forming, going down his face.
At this point I really want to break, but physically couldn't. I wanted to comfort him too, but overall faced the fact that I really do nothing when it comes to these situations. I'm completely useless.
He walked to the end of the porch, looking up at the sky, sighing
"I'm sorry, Frank"
I fall into a chair, staring at my broken best friend, who was once the band-aid for both me and Gerard.
"Aren't we all"
He turned and stared at me. For a split second I spotted a smile. The bright Mikey smile that could light up a room. The smile I've missed for a very long time.
After a long silence, he came up to me, pulling me into a hug, wishing me good luck, which made me feel even worse for some reason. It made me feel like this was it, I'm all alone. I was the only one left.
As he walked away, fading more and more from view, all I could do was sit there, begging him, to turn around and stay.
If only I actually had the guts to say it.