Short Of a Breath

|Chapter 11|

Gerard showed up, late at night while I was staring at the night sky through the small bedroom window. I didn't know what to say to him. Everything was coming back to me.
"Why are you being so distant, Frankie? It's been a while-"
"Well that's not my fault." I lay on my bed, wanting him, but also wanting to sleep. He sits on the edge of my bed, looking at me, pain on his face.
For a split second my heart hurt. It reminded me of the day I had found him. No peace in his pale, cold face what so ever. I wanted to go to him, and make all that pain  go away, to make him happy again. But I was hurt, too.
He never once told me that he had gone to this place. No wonder i would catch him making looks, staring around.
"So, I was given something, that I feel we should talk about since you apparently had no chance of doing with me before."
I pull the picture of him out of my pocket and lay it next to him. He looks down at it and sighs, knowing what I was about to say.
"Why did you never tell me about you being here, Gerard?" I stare at him, angry and betrayed. I thought we were best friends. I honestly didn't know what we were anymore, anyways.
He picks up the picture and flips it over, smiling at the back. He lifts it up so I can see it.
"Look, Frank" I look at the back of the picture and see four words: Give it to Frank.
"I'm guessing he gave it to you." He smiles weakly, handing me back the picture.
"Give me what? He just gave me this"
His smile disappeared instantly. He looked at me, looking almost angry.
"You mean he didn't give you..the note?"
"No- I don't know what you're talking about-" he stands up suddenly, staring at me.
"The note on why I lied two summers ago, about going to Aunt Marie's for half the year. That was a lie, Frank..."
It all made sense.
" honey, Gerard isnt here, and he won't be here for a while, he went to his aunt's house. Sorry Frank." Gerard's mom invited me in for a while after I asked if Gerard could come over to my house. She gave me a letter she said was from him as she gave me a glass of lemonade.
'Dear Frankorino,
Guessing you came over and I wasn't there. I really wish I was. But I had to go to Aunt Marie's house for the summer. Boring right? Well I guess thats all I have to say, you'll be fine. See you in school, frankie.
Keep smiling.
Xoxo Gee'
It was short and to the point. It was Gerard for sure. Of course I was sad, but I was glad he got to get a chance out of this dark house he's been living in ever since the murder.
Maybe this is sign.
Gerard's gonna be okay.
Oh how wrong I was.
"You lied to me!! Why? I thought I was your best friend, Gerard?" I trail off, staring at the ground, wrapping my arms around myself. Not knowing what to believe anymore.
"Frank I wanted to protect you from all of this evil in-"
"Well I wanted to protect you too Gerard! Because...I love you, okay!?! And...I wanted to make you happy...but nothing I did seemed to help." I start to feel tears roll down my face once again, feeling cold. I sit on my bed laying on top of my sheets.
" I know, Frank. I know. But there's nothing anyone would ha-" I split.
"You're fucking joking? You have to be! Gerard. I was there for you! I would've done anything!"
"Well you can't stop the hell inside my head frank!"
"No, but I can help you, Gerard! I'm here for a reason, gee. You pushed me so far away when Mikey died, I didn't know if I was even useful to you anymore!"
"Mikey dying was my fault, Frank. It was me!" He sighed rubbing his hands on his temple.
"Well it's my fault you're dead!" I blurt out, tears now streaming down my face. He stopped, and slowly met my gaze, a single tear, dancing down his face.
He smiled and dropped his arms, limp to his sides.
" ... you're..dead, Gerard." I repeat, wanting to let it sink in. The truth hurt, too much. I look in his eyes, wanting to die more than I've ever wanted to.
"I know"
I look up at him, fresh tears falling fast. Hearing the actual truth hurt more than hearing it from myself, even though I knew it all along. I drop to my bed and relive all we've done together. Now realizing, it was all in my head.
He walks to me and puts his hand on my face.
"Frankie..i-" I slap his hands away, flinching.
" You're not real" I sob into my arm.
"Frank...no please.." I don't look up from my arm, but I here the soft sniffling, as he was crying.
"No! You are not real! Your dead! Get out of my head, you liar!" I sob into my arm, and hear him make the same noises.
I sit in that position, crying for over 20 minutes, sniffling, and gasping for breath, and I was going to yell at Gerard again for still standing there but as I peak my head up.
he was gone.
I knew then, that so was I.