Short Of a Breath

|Chapter 21|

I didn't know what to do at this point.
What was the point in all of this?
What did I do wrong for it to end up like this?
I always thought I'd be the first one to die.
I mean, I had to think, Gee and Mikey were always so different. So happy and open minded.
I, well, I was nothing. Yet, they always made me feel the opposite.
After sitting out on the porch for what felt like an hour, drowning in pity, I went back inside, suddenly starving. I walk in to see Ryan still sleeping. For all that's been going on, the last thing I want to do is deprive the kid of his sleep.
Ever since we left the institution his screams and nightmares have gotten worse.
Waking both me and Party up late at night with cries of terror, to where I'd have to hold him in my arms and tell him that it's alright, for him to fall asleep again.
I felt bad for the kid, really. It wasn't his fault that he had to deal with this.
Even though he hasn't really told me exactly why he had the illness in the first place, that's what I believe.
I walk into the kitchen, trying to find something quick to eat, remembering that I haven't actually eaten since yesterday morning.
Gerard was right, really. I didn't really take care of myself.
I never did.
But I was fine with that.
I open the fridge, hopefully finding something sweet I can't naw on, only to find a note plastered to the inside of the door
I open it, looking at the sloppy handwriting, written in red ink.
'Listen Frank,
We've both gone through alot of hell, and I can tell through the past two months that you have a good head attached to those shoulders of yours, but I can't say the same for myself.
This place isn't for me, I've come to realize there's nothing really for me here.
So when you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose.
Good luck out there, Frank.
It's been fun ;)
- Party Poison'
Wait...what does this mean?
He isn't going to?...
No.
I run out of the kitchen, moving through the room looking for him.
I notice the window in the bedroom is open and look out to see fire exit stairs going down the back of the building. I move out the window onto the steps, and run down to the street.
"Party! Party Poison! Where the fuck are you!"
I eventually run around the entire block searching for him, but come up empty.
I walk back up the stairs out of breath and out of ideas.
I sit at the top if the stairs staring at the paper in my hands, feeling tears of frustration and everything else that's been building up inside my head, go down my face.
I've never felt so alone.
I feel a hand on my shoulder.
"Breathe Frank"
I sigh a little, knowing who it was, calming me down.
I'm done feeling mixed emotions.
For once, let me feel one thing, anything, but this.
"I don't want to breathe anymore, Gerard."
He lays his hand on my thigh as he sits next to me.
"Don't talk like that, it's not right"
"Says you"
"Frank I know you feel alone, but pushing me away is only going to make it worse."
I laugh, staring into he despair painted eyes.
"I don't want to feel anymore, Gerard, look what's happened to me"
I put my hands up to my chest. He goes for my hands, pressing them to his own.
"Exactly, Frank, look. You've gotten so strong. If we could go back a year, you wouldn't have done anything to change."
I stand up, pushing him away.
"That's the point Gerard, I don't want to live this life anymore! If Party can give up, why can't I?!"
He froze for a moment, still staring up at me.
As I was about to speak, he suddenly gets up, grabbing my hands, pulling me towards him.
"You have no idea how grateful I am, to know at least one of us got a chance to live, just a little more"
He looks at me, tears forming in his eyes.
I smile putting my head to his.
"Please don't tell me you think this is living, Gee"
He kiss's my forehead, meeting my gaze.
"Well your hearts beating, isn't it?"
"That's not what i-"
"Frank!! Get in here!!" I turn my head to the window, to see Ryan with no shirt or pants on, peering out at me, a terror full expression
"Ryan..I don't have ti-"
"It's Party, Frank..he.." tears start to fall down his face quickly.
I automatically jump into the room, looking for him, yet finding the TV on full volume, on the news channel.
A woman with blonde hair was stating the breaking news
"We were called onto the scene of what seems to be a suicide. A man who looks to be at least 21, wearing a bright blue leather jacket and what looks like a...what is? A yellow mask, has jumped into the main river over the Mountain City bridge. He looked to have hit the rocks, being killed instantly, more news on the case later on today now.."
I fall to my knees staring at the TV, watching as a helicopter picks up, what's supposedly his body.
Please...tell me this is all a lie....
"F-frank..what..what are we going to do..?"
I stand up to see Ryan sitting on the bed, clutching a pillow.
"How the fuck do I know! I didn't...I didn't plan this..i..I don't know what to fucking do anymore!"
Ryan flinches at my words, and I realize yelling at him isn't going to change anything.
I put my jacket on, pushing past Ryan, opening the front door.
"No..Frank don't leave-.."
"Fucking stay put, Ryan. I don't want to hear it." I slam the door shut, running down into the street, onto the side walk.
I didn't know where I was going.
I didn't know what to say or do.
But in all of this I knew one thing.
Party Poison is dead.
And so was everyone else I've come to care about.
I'm running out of options.