JF11
The Bullshit
I let him kiss me, but I immediately push him away. Oh my! Why did I let him kiss me? And why do I want more? He looked at me, he looked hurt.
Oh, come on, Ylorah! Don't be such delusional! He frowned and he's clenching his jaw. I swallowed, he can be really scary at times.
"You stink," I said as an excuse then I covered my nose. He smelled himself but he's still frowning. He again leans on me, I move backward but I can't, I'm all cornered. I push him a little.
"Just drive or I'll get out," I said. He let out a deep sigh and started the engine. The silence between us is awfully awkward. I really want to get out of his car. I want to punch myself for letting him kiss me! Ugh! Really, Ylorah? I touch my lips, goodness! It feels like forever since our last kiss!
"Let's go to the hospital." He said while looking at the road. I irritably look at him, I folded my arms and arched an eyebrow at him.
"Says who? I'm going to my school. If you're driving at the hospital, please stop the car." I hiss and roll my eyes heavenwards.
"Okay." He simply said. Nilingon ko siya dahil nagulat ako sa sagot niya. He just said 'Okay' he didn't even argue with me. Hindi niya na ako pinilit unlike before, he was never like this. I shut my mouth the whole time. Maybe Gazer didn't even like me at all. He's just here because his conscience is eating him up, for making me a third party even though we don't have that kind of relationship.
"Just stop the car there." Turo ko sa tapat ng isang kainan malapit sa school na pinapasukan ko. Bumuntong hininga siya at ginawa ang sinabi ko. Kumunot ang noo ko dahil hindi man lang sumagot, sinunod niya lang ang gusto ko.
"Thanks for the ride..." ani ko nang hindi nakatingin sa kanya. "... and please don't ever show up in front of me. I think we've had enough. The times that we've been together were enough. Let's stop all the bullshits, Gazer." Dagdag ko, nang tumingin ako sa kanya ay halos gusto kong bawiin ang lahat ng sinabi ko dahil sa nakakatunaw niyang tingin. Itinagilid niya ang ulo niya at saka marahang tumango.
"Okay. I guess we really have to do that. Thank you for bringing it up first, let's stop this bullshit, Ylorah." He said looking straight into my eyes, while he's caressing his chin. It feels like he's enjoying things, he's enjoying what's happening. I nodded and got out of his car. He immediately drove away when I got out of his car. No argument, nothing else happened.
I don't know if I should laugh or I should cry, parang kanina lang ay naghahalikan kami and now, we are totally over, I mean, tapos na 'yong paglalaro namin. Wala naman din kasing kami, kasi may ibang siyang ka-"kami". We just ended things, just like that. I like him, but I'm not crazy to love Gazer. I know my limitations, we're both out of our league. I mean, we can't really handle each other. I want things to be done the way I wanted, so is he. We'll clash every time if that happens. But since he has his girlfriend, that "happening" won't even come to life. Gosh! What kind of messy mind do I have? I think I'm losing my sanity. Bullshits keep on happening.
I let out a bitter laugh and shake my head. What are you thinking, Ylorah? How come you thtink that you'll end up with Gazer? May girlfriend na 'yong tao! Do you want to be a mistress? Of course not! You're not crazy to do such a thing! It's not like you like him that much! Just go on with your life Ylorah, you have a bright future ahead, don't let Gazer ruin you.
I wasn't really able to focus earlier, despite the paper works. Gazer keeps on bugging my mind, I keep on checking my phone. But he's not even calling me, I guess he's now having a good time with his girlfriend.
