• Vampire
Me:
— Soooo, do vampires get a discount on porn?
Harry:
— What on earth are you saying?
Me:
— I mean think about it, you're probably a couple thousand years old ammiright? And you probably jack the fuck out, off your wrinkly spoon. Probably on a daily, and like. You practically live forever, and you'll be using the site ... forever, so is there special discount or what?
Harry:
— how'd the fuck did you get in my house?
Me:
— Oh ! Yeah, about that. Some chick named Julia let me in, she said to tilt my head to the side in a seductive manner while lightly moaning.
Harry:
— Yet your ass waltz right in here singing "Fuck Donald Trump" with middle fingers up! Spectacular, fucking salves smh.
Me:
— wait Julia's your slave?
Harry:
— uh duh? Who tf else would she be? My girlfriend?
Me:
— I mean from the looks of it, she's very pretty. But yeah, kinda awkward because she told me to be seductive and all that weird shit. Annyyyyywayyysss, you didn't answer my question about that porn thing.
Harry:
— why? You want my account so we could share?
Me;
— WTF NO! I don't watch porn, I'm a child of god. I'm Innocent as frick, I don't even know what anal is.
Harry:
— *chokes on tea*
Me:
— ....
Harry:
— Jesus Christ, what's your name again?
Me:
— Can't remember, can I share yours *wink wink*
Harry:
— holy fuck, who are you? And where have you been all my life.
Me:
— In coldstones getting fat
Harry:
— well that does explain all those stains on your shirt...
Me:
— oh these? Yeah these aren't ice cream stains.
Harry:
— then why is it green?
Me:
— mouthwash.
Harry:
— you put mouthwash on your shirt purposely?
Me:
— why, don't you?
