The clock struck 4AM. My eyes slowly opened and I slowly sat up. I stared at Ethan in awe, who looked so peacefully asleep, yet so worried.
I knew I owed him an explanation, but I was trapped between telling him the truth about his twin brother being back in town or telling him a white little lie to cover the fact that I had seen Grayson.
I pecked his cheek and took a deep breath before swinging my legs over to the side of my bed and landed my feet on the cold wooden floor, rising from the bed in the process.
I ran a hand through my messy hair and made my way to the bathroom, despite the fact that it was dark. I turned the lights on in the bathroom and washed the dry tears off my face.
I fixed my hair, donned on a jacket, put on some shoes and left the room quietly for the last time.
I made my way to the cafe Grayson once took me to, I sat down in the same spot I sat the other night after ordering a coffee.
I could only imagine the million ways that night could go. The look on Ethan's face. Grayson's reaction and harsh words. My pounding heart.
While I poured some sugar in my cup, I realized my thoughts wouldn't stay still either. They ran in circles, throwing me what if questions and nothing but anxiety.
I was staring at the window, impatiently waiting for Grayson's arrival. And not too long after those thoughts, I saw his black Volvo in the garage already parked.
This time he was wearing a denim Jacket.
He opened the door and greeted the waiter. "Same thing as her" He said, pointing at me. The waiter nodded and went straight back in, while Grayson's eyes landed on mine and greeted me with a small smile.
He walked over to my table and sat across the table.
"Are you ready? Did you tell Ethan?" He asked quite anxiously.
I looked away. I could already feel my lips quivering. "Gray" I trailed off, tapping my finger against the table.
His face fell. "What?"
"I'm not going with you"
His mouth opened as if he was going to say something, but then he closed it right away, clenching his jaw. He looked away, then down at his fingers.
It took him a while to accept my answer. And it took me a while to erase the look on his face when I told him that. I felt my heart clench. Aching from that look on his face.
"I'm sorry, Grayson" I tried saying. My eyes already filled with tears.
"Just tell me why" He said, almost in a mumble.
"You were gone for such a long time, Grayson. And.." I looked down at my cup of coffee that was then cold. "Ethan, made a promise to me. And I made a promise to him. I have to keep my word, Grayson, I can't keep hurting anyone else-"
"But you can keep hurting me?" He interrupted me, with poison in his voice. He let out a small chuckle, a sarcastic one, and shook his head in denial. "I also made a promise to you. And you made a promise to me too. Remember?"
He flashed me a smile. But not the usual one he used to show. It was a smile full of rage, hurt and jealousy.
"See I knew what we had was bullshit. You were only using me for your goddamn money, and for you to find a way around to Ethan."
"Grayson, you don-"
"Raine! Quit fucking telling me that is not how it goes because you damn well know it does!" He raised his voice at me, making me flinch and tears roll down my cheeks.
"It is not how it goes!" I yelled. "It is not. It is not how it goes Grayson! You think I fucking asked for this to happen?! For you to get hurt?!"
He flared his nostrils and looked at anything but my eyes. He leaned back against the seat and crossed his arms, licking his lips.
"Actually, I do, Raine." He said. His piercing eyes staring right at mine.
"I was so blind. So fucking blind to even believe you and I had something between us. All that time, I thought you were mine. I thought you were different. But you' were just like everybody else."
"You keep telling yourself what we had was a lie, but it wasn't Gray. I fucking loved you. Don't you get that?" I managed to say.
He shook his head, letting out another one of those chuckles.
"See I'm so fucking done of people just using me. Always chosing my douche of a brother over me." He mumbled to himself.
His words were making it hard for me to breathe. I felt like I was suffocating. I couldn't stop crying. I looked up at him, and saw that he was also crying.
His cheeks and nose were in a light shade of red.
Silence filled the room then. I could only hear my heart pounding, and my quiet sobs. I thought he was about to leave, when I heard him ask,
"Raine, did you really love me?" He asked so quietly, I thought I was just making myself up. The innocent Grayson was showing that moment. The Grayson I knew. He looked as vulnerable as I was. So fragile and so damaged.
My eyes closed as I felt my heart ache. That type of emotional pain that's so strong that it actually produces physical pain, specially around the chest area. That's what I felt
"I did, Grayson" I said, almost in a whisper. I was almost too weak to even say anything. "I sitll do. But I have to do what's right. I can only be with one." I explained to him with my weak voice.
He looked down as I witnessed a single tear roll down his eyes.
"And you chose Ethan." He muttered.
"I'm sorry that I keep hurting you Gray. But I promise you, this will be the last time. We won't see each other again. And I promise you'll find someone better than me." I extended my hand, placing it on top of his.
He looked up to me, staring at me with misty eyes and slowly nodded, like a little kid who had just accepted defeat.
I stood up, kissed him one last time, and left with more tears rolling down my eyes.
It felt wrong. But it was something that had to be done.
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