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An open letter for the people who knew me...
You all know me by any means, but not this me that even I never knew existed not too long ago since everything came to me like a landslide.
I am an irresponsible child to my parents, an unrealible sister to my siblings, a not-so-helpful friend to all of my friends. I was never a special person atleast I tried to be special but I guess I am still ordinary, trying hard to please everyone yet couldn't even do a single thing.
Everybody sees me as this good-for-nothing child I can't make anything right all they see is my mistakes, that's why I tried less to be right and I tried more to be a mistake to be satisfied that what they say is true. That I. am. A. Nothing. But. A. Mistake.
All I ever wanted eversince I was born was acceptance, I wanted to be accepted, to be appreciated but I know I'll never be the favorite I'll only be the daughter who knows nothing but make my mother's head ache. You see everyone knows me all smiles and sunshines when I'm with them but in this room where I confined myself every night, I silently cry and hope the things in my head would go away. I wanted to run away, all my life I just wanted someone to recognize me as someone flawed but is still human. The madness is my reality, the pain I've been having emotionally and mentally isn't easy to cure, I just wanted to sleep all the pain away pero kada umaga gigisingin ako ng isang sigaw at susundan pa ng kasunod na sigaw magigising ako sa galit na realidad na kung saan malaya nila akong mahuhusgahan, gigising ako pero pakiramdam ko pagod ako. Nakakapagod mabuhay ng ganito nakakapagod ng maging ako, ako parin ba ito? Pakiramdam ko matagal ng nawala yung "ako" na kilala niyo, matagal na siyang pinatay ng mga taong nagsabing hindi ka dapat maging ganyan, hindi ka nababagay maging ganyan. Nawala na yung kilala niyong "ako" na kahit ilang beses pang masaktan ng realidad na hindi siya espesyal sa paningin ng marami ay ngingiti parin at sasabihing "okay lang yan." Ngayon ang naiwan nalang ay ang "ako" na puno ng pagsisinungaling, natuto siyang magsinungaling at balewalain ang nararamdaman niya higit na mas wasak na siya kesa dati, kung dati ay pira-piraso pa lamang ngayon ay abo na.
Araw araw sasabihin niya sa sarili niya na kaya niya pa, kakayanin niya pa na kahit gusto niyang umiyak ay wala ng luhang lumalabas, ubos na siya. Ubos na ubos na siya. Wala na siyang maramdaman natutuluyan na yatang mamanhid ang dating punong puno ng emosyon. Ngayon susuko na ang dating palaban, hindi dahil ayaw niya na kundi naisip niya lang na tama na. Tama na, na ganito nalang siya, na hanggang dito nalang siya.
Kaya sa lahat ng nakakakilala sakin, tama na at ako'y mamaalam na.
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