How to Love You

14

October 5

You know that stupid saying where it's like 'every day is a new day'? Well, that quote is absolute bullshit when it comes to my life, considering everyday is always the same.

I wake up with a searing pain in my back, I mentally complain about missing my cozy bed, then, I sit down alone at the kitchen counter and eat a bowl of stale fruit loops. Next, I sneak into the room, grab some clothes, momentarily watch you sleep, and then, get changed in the same old raggedy outfit of black jeans and a white shirt. Eventually you wake up as well, and I'll take you on some adventurous journey that you pretend to enjoy. My heart ends up shattering by the end of the night when the realization that yet another day has passed without you back in my arms and I ultimately fall asleep with tears brimming my eyes and staining the couch pillow.

So, tell me cruel world, how is everyday a new day when your Chase Carnell? It seems to me like I'm stuck living this miserable life with no escape, no one to turn to, all alone. It's almost like being trapped in an unmoving elevator, and you know there's not a single person trying to rescue you; you have nothing to do, but sit there and contemplate where your life went wrong.

I hate getting up from the couch, I hate going to bed without you, and I hate eating alone. Hell, I can't even go back to work! Every time, I think I'm ready, your ear piercing scream and the image of you smashing your head through our car window haunts me. I'm a police officer, I'm supposed to protect people, but how can I do that when I was unable to protect the women I love most? You're slowly slipping from my grip, and I feel as though I'm hanging on by a thread.

I guess what I'm trying to say, Dani, is that I miss you with all my heart; please come back to me.