How to Love You

9

September 30

I woke up on the jagged couch with a horrible back ache and desperately wanted my old, cozy bed back. I snuck into the room to grab a set of fresh clothes and stuck around a few moments longer, just so I could watch you serenely sleep. After seeing your hair dangled over your face and the slight pout of your lips, my daily dose of waking up next to you was partially fulfilled. You seemed like the same old Danielle that I knew and loved, but the second you wake up, I know it's completely different, almost awkward, between us.

You refer to us as friends. We haven't been just friends since forever ago. Sometimes I catch you discreetly looking at me, and I wonder if there are any remnants of remembrance remaining or if I should just lose all hope now. I find it unbelievable that you can stare into my eyes and genuinely not sense the amount of love that I have for you.

Do you remember anything about us, Dani? I'm still slightly in denial about this entire situation; what if this is all just some terrible dream that I'll wake up from in a few minutes?

If this really was all a nightmare, though, then why does it physically hurt so much? It hurts like someone repeatedly stabbing my insides with a piercingly sharp knife. It hurts like a bullet being drove straight into my brain. And damn, it hurts like someone ripping me apart limb from limb. Seeing you look at me, but not really see me is the hardest thing to cope with. The look of pure love that used to fill your eyes when you saw me was now replaced with a dazed expression.

Look at me, Danielle, please look at me the way you used to. I want those beautiful blue eyes to sink into mine and remember everything we shared. Remember our love, Dani, I miss you.