How to Love You

30

October 21

You know those deep, sentimental thoughts your mind randomly overflows with in the shower? I think I just had one of those awful moments.

Picture this: me, a grown man, literally sitting naked on the shower floor with a mixture of shampoo suds and tears dripping down my face. While hysterically sobbing underneath the rough water pressure sharply hitting my body from above, the realization of us really being over finally hit me. And it hit me hard, just like a brick of reality smashing a hundred miles an hour into my face, knocking me into a complete state of hysteria. We were over; our amazing relationship of three years was done and I couldn't do anything about it.

Stopping you from loving Matt would be like trying to stop a moving train with just my bare hands and the weight of my body. I know you better than anyone else; when you fall in love, you fall with everything you have and I just couldn't get in the way of that.

"Chase, I need your help." You said, suddenly, interrupting my deep shower moment.

"What's up?" I asked, zero emotion evident in my tone. I knew if I even spoke a pitch higher, you would hear my voice break.

"Matt and I got in a fight this morning. He refuses to forgive me, until I apologize, but it really wasn't my fault. What do you think I should do?" Oh, Dani, you were setting me up for a perfect opportunity to tell you to dump his ass and convince you to date me instead. But, that stupid shower thought rang through my mind again; I can't stop you from loving him.

"Just apologize. Don't lose your relationship over a little argument." I sighed, rubbing my face in complete frustration. Giving you that advice took every ounce of remaining strength I had, but I just have to let you go now.

"Thanks, Chase, you're the best."

Am I really the best though? 'Cause I'm still sitting in the shower, secretly hoping that one day you'll learn how it fucking felt to be me, during this whole situation.

For you, Dani, you got to keep me, your supposed friend and advice giver, and fall in love with someone else at the same time. Losing your memory gave you the perfect excuse to act anyway you choose towards others, it's like reinventing yourself. Aren't you just a lucky girl? Well, guess what, Danielle, you can't have your cake and eat it, too.