How to Love You

19

October 10

I decided to go on a walk today, just to clear my mind and hopefully get some answers on how I'm supposed to continue living this meaningless life. Sometimes I don't see the point in living when I know that what was once good in my life is gone, vanished into the wind.

I went to a local park down the street, where I knew a great spot further down near a beautiful lake. Large oak trees shaded me, as I sat peacefully on a bench, admiring the ripples in the water. I glanced over at the empty void next to me, where you used to sit, holding my hand and resting your head against my shoulder with the bristles of your hair tickling my neck.

Going here on the weekends to soak up the sun, and enjoy a serene morning was our typical routine. Now, I'm alone and pondering just how wrong my life has become without you.

"Hey, sir, can I please take a seat here?" The husky voice broke me from my trance, as I snapped my head towards a man hovering over me. He had a baseball cap covering his face, and was dressed in a torn plaid shirt and grubby jeans.

"Um, yeah, of course." He sat down beside me, slowly removing the hat that shielded his face before.

When I looked over at him this time, I felt my heart collapse to the floor. It was him.

It was the man who unsympathetically destroyed my life, the man who ripped my beloved Danielle away from me. Back at the hospital when I first saw him, karma hadn't reached him yet, but how about now? Was he still living life carelessly and ruining other people's lives as well?

"I know who you are." I spat under my breath, raising my voice only loud enough for him to hear. Had I spoke any louder, the children with their parents and the elderly couples enjoying their day would be involved, and I would hate to cause drama in a family friendly environment. The man sighed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

"I know who you are, too." I felt his gaze burning into my skull, tearing me apart limb by limb.

"What do you want from me?"

"To say I'm sorry for what happened." I glared in his direction, viciously. Saying sorry doesn't fix anything, why do people not realize that? If I smashed a plate onto the ground and gladly watched it shatter into a million pieces before me, would saying fucking sorry put it back together? Not even all the tubes of glue in the world could put the plate perfectly back together; it would still have rough shards jolting out.

"Your apology means nothing to me." I said, standing up to leave. Then, I felt a chilling hand on my shoulder, stopping me. It was the same hand that evidently had no control of the steering wheel and demolished all of the happiness I used to obtain.

"I know nothing I can say will heal how you're feeling, or even minimize the hatred you have for me, but I'm sorry, again." The saying don't judge a book by its cover felt so real right now. Judging by the man's tender voice, you would never depict him as an alcoholic who ruined another's life. Underneath the surface though, he must be a sad, and pathetic man to have the audacity to drink and drive on a road full of people trying to live their life. What if he had hurt someone else? What if he accidentally killed someone, who had children and a family to go home to?

"Stop saying sorry!" I screamed, shoving the man away from me. Before I could even protest, the man gripped my wrists and pulled me in for a hug. I never thought I would ever be this close to the man, who caused my wife to forget me and made my life insufferable. Next thing I know though, I'm sobbing against his old plaid shirt, and mumbling a stray of words I couldn't even understand.

Only thing I said that made any sort of sense was "why did it have to be us, Dani? Why did we have to be in the accident?"