How to Love You

24

October 15

You're actually gone. You really left me.

I didn't realize that when you walked out that door, you weren't going to come back. I thought, for sure, you were just having an outrageous meltdown over what my mom said, and you would be back, more calm and ready to relax, later that night.

It was Sunday, Dani, it was our movie night; you promised me every Sunday, we would order a pizza, get dressed down in sweatpants, and rent a movie. Even though I realized you only made this promise to appear like a decent friend, I still got that twinge of happiness whenever you would be sitting on the couch, awfully close to me, and occasionally, our hands would brisk past, the fingertips just grazing each other's.

But now, this horrible internal pain is burrowing its way deeper into my heart, reminding me that you aren't snuggled up next to me; a throbbing ache spreads throughout my body from within, trying to claw its way out with no prevail.

The clock strikes 11:58 pm, two minutes until Sunday is officially over; you still have two minutes, Dani, I haven't lost all hope yet that you'll be back to watch that movie. I was thinking a comedy, maybe White Chicks because I know it's you're favorite.

11:59 pm: my heart rate has definitely quickened, but I know you're racing to make it back on time. Hell, you're probably frantically running through the streets right now just to make sure you don't miss this. I wouldn't be surprised if you just bolted through the door with that familiar apologetic grin on your face and a warm cheese pizza in your hand to make up for you long absence.

But, then reality crashes back as the clock turns to 12 pm; it's officially a new day and you, in fact, did miss movie night.

Whatever, it's not a big deal, I know. Pfft, movie night? Ha! I don't even care!

So why am I still staring at the front door with tears brimming my eyes and anger coursing through my veins?