empty and hollow

20 1 0
                                    

who am i really?
i don't quite feel like me
like a sentient being.
earlier i cried after
reading a news article
and when i was
wiping my tears
it felt like my face
wasn't even my own.

sometimes my body
moves and i don't
realize.
i feel like a machine
on autopilot.
i move without
conscious thought.
i am not conscious.

quite often
i look around
and i don't feel
like the world is real.
i don't feel like i am
here, living and
breathing and
existing.

i feel like i'm
watching a movie.
like i'm dreaming.
these are all
lovelily twisted
feelings—
to not be alive
to not be real
to not be here.

sometimes i wish i could
feel them all of the time
but there is a catch
the emptiness that comes
with them is overwhelming.
it seeps into my skin
and fills me up entirely
until i feel hollow
and it's inescapable.

please tell me who i am.
the only words that
i can think of
to describe myself
are "empty" and "hollow"
and i don't think either of those
are socially acceptable.

recycled poetryWhere stories live. Discover now