recycled poetry

finite infinities

i don't think that i understand
when to hold back.

i don't think i understand
when it's too much.

i think i'm too much.
i think everything that
i do is too much.

i add and add songs to playlists
and i just don't ever stop.
other people have limits —
i never seem to know when to stop.
maybe i'm just limitless

i think that i think too much
i analyze and i think and
think and think

i care far too much
and when i decide i don't care
i don't care too much
(except, i still care more than i should,
no matter how hard i try not to.)

i give too much advice and overstep
boundaries with my problem-solving
brain and i care too much
about people who i thought cared
too much about me, too.

i don't know when to pull back the reins.
i don't know when to stop

when i don't care i avoid and i
ignore and i let things fade so far
away that i don't stop and think
about the repercussions.

when i decide that someone is
not worth my time and my anxiety,
i create a villain, an antagonist
of them and i hate and i hate and i hate.

i write too much.
i write and write and write
and ramble on and on
until i don't know what i'm saying
and neither does anyone else.

sometimes i say too much.
sometimes i don't think things through.
most times i say too little
and overthink too much
but sometimes i overthink and speak
anyways
sometimes i say nothing and think
nothing.

i push myself beyond my limits
and when i decide what my limits are,
i push myself backwards much too far
until i am far beneath the bar that i set
and i'm not doing anything at all.

i overwater plants
because i just want them to grow.
because i personify them — i care about
them far too much —
and when i learn their limits,
i don't water them at all.

i do everything far too much
or far too little
and i don't understand the
middle ground

maybe i'm clueless.
maybe limits cannot contain me.
maybe i just can't comprehend
anything but infinities
because i cannot comprehend
infinities at all

(i'm far too contradictory, too paradoxical. i'm not sure what my limits are. i don't know if i'm sure of anything. i don't know if that's okay or not.)