lost by the world

7

"Who the heck you think, you are, Trisha loud voice echo in my ears," you are just a little girl and teachers pet, always wagging your face whatever teachers says, stop doing that, you know! it really piss us,And don't even think you look good, you look like a slut, but nobody is giving you attention so, stop begging for attention while answering questions in class, you get that bitch! "Trisha says while smirking and playing with the end of her hair.

I was lying on the school floor because she particularly kicked me while I was walking in the hallway, today I came early to school because Emma is not going to come school so, I have to walk to school that is why.

I walked out early from home in case of reaching late to school, I was not expecting this in the morning but what can I do, I am use to this, I am being bullied from months now, It sometimes make me feels like I was born to be hate. I don't know what I have done to deserve this, they treat me like this, and I can't even raise my voice because am I just a freak who can't say what is happening to her life, how people are treating me, my mom don't talk much because of her medicines and therapy and my dad is busy in his own work so, I am all alone at home.

Everywhere I'm alone in school I feel like there is no one who can see the pain in my eyes not even my friend Katherine and Emma they are mostly busy in their own work or with their boyfriends I don't get much time to talk with em. I have no one to who I can talk, no one to whom I can share what's going on in my life, my happiness, my sadness nothing I just have to keep it to myself. "I have so much to say but no one hear!"

I stepped into the class to see some benches were filled with some students and there is more 5 minutes left to bell ring till teacher enter, as I try to seek peek into the class a bit to see who is there in the class there where Trisha, Samantha and Olivia sitting on 1st bench and talking to some boys. I walked in, in fear to avoid their way I walked to 2nd row but some boys were blocking the way by putting their legs on others benches.

I was standing in front of them waiting for them to take their legs off but there were really rude, "ca- ca - can you guy- guys take your legs of-off".

I stammer in fear without making eye contact with them.

" yo-you ca- can take that row" One of the boy mimicked me.

He was blond and was having a lip ring as much as I saw him. I walked shivering to the 1st row and started walking while Samantha put her leg and tripped me I fell flat face on the floor, every one in the class room started laughing while that 3 bimbos said "look who is trying to walk daringly and straight, " in unison .

I went to my place and placed my bag on the table, I placed my head on the table and folding my hands. I started crying, but somehow control myself by biting my lips and counting from 1 to 10 in descending order.

Lecture starts and went quiet well this time I didn't raise my hand to answer any of the questions, remembering what happened this morning.

      Today, Christopher didn't came to school which is kinda good because his absence makes me dance and his presence make me die, because he irritates me like hell. But he is cute there is no choice in it, I like cute boys I don't crave for sexy boys because mostly they all are mean and greedy but Christopher is both cute and handsome.
            
           I'm in a little depression from few days because I mostly feel like all alone,lonely and something I feel like why even I came in this world. I've being diagnosed as  a depressed teen girl  from 1 year now, because whatever I think, mostly are the symptoms of depression like always feeling low, negative thinking, sadness, emptiness, and anger outburst and just want to be away from this world sometimes , I didn't went with my parents to doctors that is why they don't know what's going on in my life, how hateful I feel and always guilty. I think I'm just like my mom she is just physical damage and I'm mentally, but I have never seen her losing her hopes because there is always so many people to love her and mostly my dad, he love her a lot, I've seen how my dad talks to mom and sit with her till 2 or 3 am just to make her eat her medicines, I won't feel this way, if I would have someone who loves me, there is no  option, my mom and dads loves me a lot but they don't have time to talk to me so that is why I feel lonely. I don't know how my dad fell for my mom because she is an introvert person, full of kindness and makes people always happy, he might have seen her this good qualities, but now a days boys just see faces and fall in love,that's how today's generation mentally works  and that's what I think.

        I'm in cafeteria with Katherine and Emma, today there is no Louis and Harrison because they  both  have  football practice so, they are not here to accompany us. "Skyler should we all go to eat Ice cream somewhere" Emma asked while stuffing her mouth with burger, "we haven't hangout from so many days" this time Katherine speaks and making me irritate because mostly they are busy not me, whenever I ask them to go somewhere they decline me politely,  "ummm yeah, why not, I'm always free you guys don't have time for me," this time I speak raising my voice and getting a bit mad at them, they are my friends but they never have enough time for me, and I haven't inform any of them about my depression because I don't want to be judged." You are our best friend Skyler, how can you say that" Emma asked while raising her left eyebrow "If you want to talk or want to go anywhere just ask us, we are always there for you, you know" Katherine says. That is what my problem is I don't ask because of fear of being rejected and judged so, I keep my plan to myself most of the time.

          We all 3 are in Ice cream shop having chocolate Ice cream with extra nuts," Emma, stop moaning while eating your Ice cream" I groan and Katherine agreed with me. She just particularly moans ever time while eating her dessert or her favourite dish." I can't control myself from moaning" Emma chuckle  we made our payments and, I took a strawberry flavored Ice cream for Tom because he love it.

           We talk about our day while waiting for my Ice cream to be packed as that girl handed me my pack we all walked out, "It was nice talking, after a hectic day" I said, because I was happy to come out of depression for a little time only, "because we are worth  of this thing" Katherine reply while licking her lips a bit, " bye girls, see you on Monday or even on Sunday whenever you want my company just call me, I'm just a call away," she went bidding us goodbye and Emma and  I walked to her car because she is giving me lift, we sat in and started playing some songs by Elvis Presley " Falling in love with you" I like this song a lot its just so meaningful and so soothing to my ears even Emma like this song we played some other songs after it until we reach home.

           "Bye, Emma, love you," I stepped out of her car and, kissed her on the cheeks and waved her.

                As i start my journey in my home 1st I saw Tom laughing and, playing with mom as they both saw me, Tom came and hid behind me because mom was trying to catch him, he hugged my legs tightly as id mom can't see him, as he saw an Ice cream pack in my hand, he started doing his little dance and came forward while wanting to kiss me on cheeks, mom was standing and laughing on him, I like my mom to see in this way when she is all happy and good. Mom placed some Ice cream on table for mom while starting to make dinner.

               "Skyler, how was your day my girl? " she asked while removing something from oven, which mostly smells like cake, "It was good, mom, why did you ask?" I reply while my eyes were watching every single move of my mom "just asking, why I can't ask you all this things!" she respond "no, you can ask whatever you want!" I said.

           We were done eating dinner and now, I'm in my room just lying on my comfy mattress and thinking about day. Dad was really happy today, because he has sold something expensive which made him earn a
good amount of profit, we all talk about random things while having dinner and then every one went to there bed.

         
            Again, my mind was thinking about Christopher, why didn't he came to school? its good that there was no one to hurt my head just like him, but the way he talks, the way his lips move, the way he uses his eyebrow mostly while talking, "Skyler what are you doing? I ask myself, why are thinking about that guy, just stop thinking about him okay, now sleep" I scold myself and went to sleep before reading Chasing  red which I was about to finish.