lost by the world

13

Dad came last night at around 11:00pm. We ate the dinner and chit chat a little, mom was feeling unsteady she didn't talk much, her face was off, she talks a lot but from last years from when therapy and medicines had started she don't talk much, seeing her in this circumstances make me feel worst.

I went to bed and I didn't get much sleep because of nightmare and I was feeling very low.

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In morning I was feeling like to give up on life, I just hate everyone in this world even my friends sometimes, they are just so call friends, they don't talk much with me.

Today, I think I made a great mistake, I shouldn't have come school, I didn't had the clue how the hell my day will be,if I would have known how my day will be I would have not come.

I went to washroom in school, I was feeling I can puke any time so I came here and here I was already feeling like I would faint but the correct person came in help me in this situation Samantha, Olivia and Trisha 3 bimbos walked to make me feel worst.

"See, who had made washroom her home" Trisha said and walked in my direction and I walk behind until my back hit the wall. "Have you ever seen your face in the mirror? how can your own parents love a bitch like you? Trisha said and came in front of me just a few inches away otherwise our head would be touching each other. She kicked me so hard in stomach I felt like she just broke my bone because the sound of her punch was pretty loud.

The bell rang and the three of them walked out. I was literally crying so hard I'm just an unpleasant shit on this earth but I don't even the courage to die otherwise I would have done that.

Today I was carrying a blade in my bag just to harm myself.

I walk and stand in front of the mirror, no one was the the restroom, I remove bald from my bag to harm myself and end my life.

I removed blade and hold it tightly in my hand and started carving my hand by it, from when I desired to find a small sharp blade and watch blood run, red.

And today I'm fulfilling my desire. As I place blade on my left hand and press it lightly, I got a scratch and slowly blood started falling, drop by drop, it felt so good because this is what I was wanting for so long. I can handle this but I can't handle daily shit someone beating me, bullying me, hating me, cat calling I just can't handle it anymore.

I press the blade against my wrist and slit it lightly again, and this time blood started flowing fast. I was wearing a hoodie so no one can see this scar.

I saw myself in the mirror and I didn't see myself anymore, I can just a person sitting in front of a mirror without a soul, emotionless.

I kept my hand down, On the water tape and place my wrist there, the burning sensation was so hard I kept my hand for few minutes and then clean my wrist with cotton balls.

I walk outside, there is no one in the hallway because everyone is in their lectures, I was feeling like I can faint any time but I continue walking and I bump into someone, I walk back to see who the person is even though I can't see properly my eyes are half closed and I saw it was Christopher.

His eyes trailed from my face to my hand and he saw a red stain on my hoodie sleeves, "what, the heck is this Skyler, what happened to you? he said and I can see that his eyes are showing concern.

" No -Nothing I'm - I'm fine "I said and walk past him but by head hit the locker because of my unconscious state. This is what I say to people when they ask me how I'm doing?

" Skyler I can clearly see that you are not, so stop your bullshit and just come with me" he grumble and hold my right hand.

"Let go Christopher" I said in a low voice and try to take my hand from his tight grip.