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*LEXI'S POV*
Was suicide a selfish way of dying? I felt so fucking awful that I was even thinking about the process of killing myself. For a while, that was all that I had been thinking about, it was possessing my mind. I was so far beyond just feeling numb and I didn't know what to do. I had no family left and only a few people that I considered a friend so what was the point? I traced my fingers over my day old scars. They weren't drained of colour like the others on my ankle, but the knife had gone pretty deep causing there to be more blood than usual. I'd resorted to cutting the skin on my ankle because it was a less noticeable spot than my wrists or thighs.

For the past couple of weeks, months even, I hadn't felt myself. Everything felt wrong, and it all bothered me. Except Gracie.

Gracie was honestly one of the very few reasons why I was still living. She was the only thing that could make me feel anything at all and I knew that it wasn't going to last forever, so when she would eventually leave me it would leave me to feel nothing at all. I was so scared of that, the numbness would eventually take over my body and I hated the thought of that happening. I was afraid Gracie would soon realise how much of a mistake she made when she started dating me. I loved her, I really fucking loved her with everything that I had in me, but I constantly felt like whatever I did wasn't enough. She could've found someone so much better than me, I was so out of her league.

I clicked on the contacts app on my phone and my finger selected Gracie's name. I guess I was calling to say goodbye, I wanted her voice to be the last one that I heard because she was the person I loved the most in the world. I still had to leave though, no matter how much I loved her, none of that would matter when I was dead. I was doing it for her, so she could move on, excel in her life, I would have just dragged her down and failed her. I couldn't do that to her.

I wasn't good at anything so what was the fucking point? There was no reason for me to live anymore. I couldn't deal with everything, it was all too much but Gracie was a big part of that everything. And that was what was holding me back.

"Hey baby," She announced, her soft voice made my heart beat faster. My hands began to feel clammy as I held the phone against my ear. I could hear Gracie's steady breathing over the phone and it calmed me.

"Hey," I said, but my mouth was dry so it only came out as a small whisper. I quickly coughed, an attempt to clear my throat, "Gracie, can you remember when we talked about traveling the world together someday?"

"Of course I do," She said, "We're gonna do it one day Lex. Even if we have to save up for years before," A smile spread across my face and just as I began to feel content, a sudden feeling of sadness dwelled over me. Tears sprang from my eyes, fogging up my view.

"Where do you wanna go first?" I asked calmly, even though the tears were streaming down my face I tried to stop my voice from shaking. A smile set at my lips again, I was trying to make myself stop crying, I thought that faking happiness would do that for me.

"I'll go anywhere with you," She replied. My heart sped up again and I was struggling to breathe steadily. "But Italy is calling us,"

"Okay...so Italy, we'll visit the Colosseum, and go to art museums and look at all the different sculptures, we'll eat way too much pizza and pasta dishes and visit roman villas and ruins,"

Just talking about our plans for the future made me angry. I wanted to be able to give her everything she deserved, if I could have done that then I wouldn't have been thinking that way. I had to get out of her life, but I wanted our last exchange to be loving and happy, one she'd remember. Because honestly, even though I wanted her to move on, I didn't want her to forget me because I'd never be able to forget her.

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