Becoming Hers

55

*LEXI'S POV*
The day I never expected to come around had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. I used to think that I wouldn't reach that day, that I'd been gone way before my last year of sixth form. But I'd survived, that thought was still so unreal to me. It was because of Gracie that I was still there, and I would never have forgotten that but the fact that I wouldn't have been able to share any more moments with her still cut me deep.

I was preparing myself for the three hours drive (including one toilet break) to Leicester. I kept checking my phone but I hadn't received a text from Gracie. I did get one from Caleb though, 'Good luck man, you can do this' He'd texted. I replied with a smiley face and a 'Thanks'

Caleb had been really supportive even after Gracie and I broke up, I expected him to hate me after making Gracie so upset, but he didn't, he was still by my side, I guess he saw how much it was hurting me too.

I wanted a fresh start in a new place, I went from Alexis Jones, to Lexi Jones, to Lexi Jones 2.0. I knew that this time around things were going to be different. I packed up the truck with everything I needed for the next three years of my life and got ready to set off.

But what if I wasn't ready? A sudden strike of anxietly swept over me. Until recently I hadn't thought much about going to university, it was always there as my escape route but I always just assumed that I wouldn't end up leaving. If I needed to flee from town because my mum was being too much, or if literally anything happened and I needed to get away somewhere. I didn't used to think about University as a place to study. Did I even want to go anymore? Was I making a huge mistake? What had I actually gotten myself into?

I grabbed my water bottle from the glove compartment and took a huge swig of the clear liquid. Oh how I wished it was vodka. God I was starting to sound like an alcoholic. After that, I steadied my breathing until I was okay again. I attempted to ignore my thoughts and drove off.

***

The drive to De Montfort University didn't take as long as I'd planned, although I did zone out for a while, which probably wasn't good because I was driving on the extremely busy motorway. I parked up Jackson's truck in the crowded car park in front of the university entrance. I was lucky to find a space because there were very few spots empty. I let my hands rest on my lap as I stared forwards, attempting to brace myself for the adventure ahead of me. My eyes moved to the rear view mirror and I examined my reflection. At first I thought I looked alright, my dirty blond hair was down by my shoulders, I hadn't done anything to it after I washed it that morning, other than a simple quick brush. I was wearing black adidas three-stripe sweatpants and a grey hoodie, because I wanted to be comfortable for the drive but also not look like a complete mess, and I couldn't really be bothered to put any effort into how I looked.

A few weeks back Gracie bought me a little bobble head for the truck, at the time I thought it was really cute, I still did, but it was in front of me on the dashboard wiggling about, which was getting on my nerves. I just stared at it waiting for it to stop moving. After a moment I got so annoyed at it that I yanked it from it's position and chucked it in the glove box compartment.

I looked out of the front window and stared at all of the students huddled by the reception. They all had eager grins as they chatted loudly. Everyone seemed to know someone else, which I know wasn't the case but in that moment it seemed like everyone was familiar with the environment. People helped others by carrying bags of their stuff towards the entrance. What the fuck was I doing there? Did I even want to go to University? It was always just assumed that I would go, it was never really my choice.

I thought I was back on the right track but maybe I was wrong about that too. My mind was all over the place, so I did the one thing that I always did whenever I was having a bad day, I took out my phone and pulled up the previous conversation between Gracie and I from two days ago. My eyes scanned the screen, examining the last text messages we'd sent.