Becoming Hers

21

*LEXI'S POV*
I got suspended for a week, smoking, bunking classes, starting fights and lack of homework surely deserved a worse punishment but somehow I only got suspended.

My mum got really mad, like I'd never seen her that angry. I had the bruises to prove it too. But it was weird because Jackson didn't get that mad, occasionally he acted as if he was my father which I hated but in that moment I kind of wished he did. He'd been giving me this weird vibe like he wanted to get to know me or I don't know, he wanted me to want to get to know him.

Gracie texted me to meet because she needed to talk to me. I thought it might have been something about us or Blake and Charlie being together, so I said yes.

We'd barley even left our meeting spot before she started talking. I could tell she was extremely nervous by the way her hands were shaking slightly and her voice cracked as she spoke.

"How did you know for sure?" She had the nerve to question me about all of this shit like she's got her life all sorted out perfectly.

How did I know? Maybe it was the way that I felt like I didn't belong anymore, or the times I kissed guys because I wanted to feel normal, to see if there was actually a chance of me being normal.

It could be the time when I was nine, and everyone in my class was laughing at this boy, all because he wanted to wear a dress. I know that isn't the same thing as sexuality, but I saw how upset he got when even the teacher looked disappointed with him. I stood up to my whole class, the teacher too, and said if he wanted to wear a dress he could. I knew in that moment that there were more people like me and I didn't want to hide any more.

"I just did." I snapped. Why should I explain my feelings to her when all she is going to do is hurt me again and again?

"It's not the same for me." She mumbled.

I uncreased my brow, shaked my head slightly then chuckled to myself.
"So what is it like then?"

"This isn't who I am." She motioned around us with her hand.

"But what if it is," I said, "what if this is more you, the new you."

"It's not Lexi." I don't get why she can't just admit to herself she likes girls, that she likes... me. Ok, maybe that's pushing it a bit.

"OK good for you, you're straight, then why are you here fucking fighting with me?"

"I-I I don't know," She trembled.

"I hope you figure it all out soon."
I snapped, collecting my things and leaving.

***

For the next couple of days I'd felt like Gracie had been avoiding me. She hadn't gone out of her way to ignore me but she hadn't turned up at the shed for a few days. Neither had Blake. When I asked Caleb where she was he just said she was studying and I just shrugged it off because she was always cramming in extra revision.

I wasn't sure wether it was a good idea to go to out that night. I mean I hadn't spoken to Gracie since last Tuesday, and the last conversation I had with Blake was on Monday by his locker.

I was about to just chuck on some trackies and get into bed to binge watch pretty little liars but Caleb texted me.

'Dude you still coming tonight? We are getting a fuck load of food, drink as well as something else if you know what I mean ;)'