Becoming Hers

51

*LEXI'S POV*
I woke up to lights flashing above me and a slight buzzing noise. I didn't know where I was but then it hit me. I was in the hospital. Events started to flood back, surrounding me and trapping me against the bed. I tried to sit up but everything felt weak so I just fell back onto the bed, my head hitting the pillow.

I felt pathetic. I couldn't live properly, forever making the wrong move, the same mistakes over again. I couldn't die right either, I couldn't fucking kill myself properly.

I thought I was alone in the room but then I saw a figure in the corner, perched on a chair against the wall. My vision was slightly blurred so I couldn't make out who it was, but then they moved towards me a little.

I know it was stupid to think it, but for a minute I thought it was my dad. With me being in a hospital and him dying in one, I thought he might have found his way back to me. But then the person handed me a glass of water, I took it from them and drank immediately because my mouth was extremely dry. After I'd finished the water, I thanked whoever it was that passed it to me. That was when I figured out who it was but I had no idea why he was even there.

"Jackson?" I announced, "Jackson is that you?" I could feel a shiver run up my spine and my hands were shaking. I don't know if it was nerves or because it was cold in here but either way I became more anxious.

He stepped a little closer towards me but didn't speak at first, "I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now but-" I cut him off to correct him.

"Second to last," He chuckled which made me frown, was he finding the situation funny? I wanted him to leave, his presence made me feel seriously uncomfortable.

"I just had to make sure that you're okay," He explained which was a lame excuse because if he cared then I wouldn't have felt like I had no other fucking choice. Also, he wouldn't have battered me into next week.

"Why?" He ignored that so I asked about my mother. "Is she with you?" I didn't have to tell him who I was talking about because he knew immediately. He glanced down at the ground and I noticed him swallow cautiously.

"No. I haven't seen her for about a week," I was confused when he said that because a thousand different thoughts came to mind.

"Where is she?" I demanded but I didn't really care. I was just wondering if she'd finally left Jackson for another guy. It's not an excuse but before Jackson started joining my mother whenever she'd hit me, he was actually kind of a decent guy.

"I don't know, I left her," He replied nervously. Where the hell did they go? They just abandoned me. I hated them both but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't be annoyed that they just fled away from here.

"Why?" I felt like that was the only word I kept on repeating.

"Because of you,"

It felt like he was going to apologise to me for every shitty little thing he'd done but then a nurse came in. She was a small petite lady with her dark hair tied into a knot on her head. She looked over at Jackson and said, "I'm sorry but you can't be in here," then continued to look through the papers on her clipboard.

"But I'm family," He replied, to which she nodded then walked over to me. She then checked the bandage on my wrist and her touch made me wince. She said she'd need to change the dressing quite soon, I nodded and faked a small smile.

"I don't want him in here," I told the nurse quietly when she reached over me to check my IV. She nodded then turned around to face Jackson again.

"She needs to rest, I'm sorry," The nurse told him and didn't waste a second to shoo him out of the hospital room.

Jackson nodded and peered over at me, "I'll be back later Lexi," He said before walking out the door quite quickly. I was glad he respected me enough to leave me alone. I didn't want him anywhere near me, he was one of the reasons I ended up there in the first place. But then I realised it wasn't him that shoved the pills and the vodka down my throat. He wasn't the one that used a blade to slice up my skin. That was all me. Why the fuck did I have to live?