Becoming Hers

27

*GRACIE'S POV*
"I like someone as more than a friend, but I'm just too scared to admit it" At that moment I was sat in the kitchen with my mother. After what Lexi had said to me, I saw who I was becoming. I didn't want to change into that horrible person. I liked who I was. I knew who I was and it was time to let other people get to know me too.

I just needed to tell someone, I needed to tell someone before it was too late. Maybe it already was...

"Don't be scared, you can talk to me about anything, right?" My mum said. However I wasn't so sure that it was one of those easy conversations she was expecting.

"Yeah, you're right," I sighed.

"Well then, who's the lucky person that gets the honour of dating my beautiful daughter?" She asked, smiling at me. I guess she was happy that I actually liked someone for once.

"We're not dating," I said, "Well not exactly," I whispered the last part but she still managed to hear it. Of course she did, she had the ears of an owl.

"Not exactly?" Did something happen?" The worry in her tone started to make me become uncomfortable.

"We were never actually together, it just felt like we were." I mumbled, trying to keep myself together. I didn't want to lose it in front of her.

"Oh, I see." She replied, stroking my shoulder with her thumb.

"But you don't get it mum." I wailed.

"I think I do darling." She stopped with her attempt to comfort me and returned it with a stern look.

"No you don't!" I snapped. I knew I was being rude but I just wanted to get out what I had to say and it was difficult.

"Hey, why don't you explain it to me then." She suggested, calmly.

"I-I can't." I wanted to tell her but something was stopping me. I just couldn't find the right words for what I was going to tell her. It was my coming out story that I'd tell people in the future. I didn't want to stutter or to mess up what I wanted to say.

"It's better to let it out, it's no good holding everything in." She was right, but I'd thought that once I told her everything would change and I wouldn't be able to take any of it back.

"You love me right?" I started again.

"Of course I do Gracie." I was worrying her.

"No matter what?" I asked.

"No matter what." She reassured me.

I decided to use Lexi's mechanism, it calmed me to see those words in my head, laid out in a little pattern. The words 'fuck it' being repeated again and again.

Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck everything.

"Here's the thing," I started, "It's a girl" I regretted telling her that as soon as I said it.

"Really gracie?" She hated me I could tell. What was I going to do? I mentally planned out where I could stay if she kicked me out, I could live with Lexi? But she'd been staying over a lot until I messed up.

"Yeah," I couldn't look up, I could just imagine her glaring at me with disapproving daggers.

I felt a tug on my cardigan at my shoulder. When I finally decided to look up she didn't look sad, surprised I guess but there wasn't any disappointment to be seen.
She just smiled. Wait she smiled? Then she rested her left hand on my right shoulder, and rubbed my shoulder with her thumb multiple times.

"I don't know what I am, but I know I like a girl... no I love her." It felt like I had to explain my feelings. That was the first time I'd ever said that out loud. I loved Lexi.