Book Of Ha Ha 2

Family First

Mr. Scott Lood was a poor little farmer from Illinois who paid the bills by churning butter all day and all night. He came from a family of dairy farmers: his father was a cream maker, and his father before him a cheese maker. There was little money to be made in this line of work- so little in fact that he had to sell his own child, Baxter, just to pay the bills. Life on the Lood family farm was tough.

Scott was also very lonely. The only friend he had was William Ater, who was the son of a beef farmer across the street. William was Scott's friend when everyone ignored him, a helping hand when everyone put him down and a shoulder to cry on when his mother died from a bad case of mad-cow disease. William always took care of Scott because even though they weren't related, Scott was family and Will believed that blood was thicker than water.

One day President Eisenhower passed by Scott's farm on his way to a campaign in Chicago, where he sampled the butter. Eisenhower thought this was the best butter in the world, and told everybody about it. With all the publicity, Scott was able to sell his butter at a much higher price, where he became wealthy very easily. Things were looking up for Scott. He bought a factory so that he could mass produce dairy products. He started the company Lood Corp where he invested stocks in the ever changing dairy market. He bought a mansion, a luxury super car and even a smoking hot wife from Russia.

Things were looking up for Scott. But things were still looking down for every other dairy farmer in America. Everyone else was still thinking about how they were going to pay the bills while Scott was worried about where he was going to rain the bills.

So Scott came up with a plan. He created the World Butter Churning Tournament where 16 contestants face off to see who could make the best butter. The winner would get a billion ducks. The rules were simple: The butter had to be made from Non-Gmo cows, there were to be made in a 4 by 4 inch block, and the name of the butter had to be the maker's first initial and last name. People all around the world came to enter the contest with their exotic butters. The Chinese entered N.Icktang, which was very creamy, while the Brazilians entered N.Icholasteng, which had chives mixed in. Even William entered the competition, which he claimed that he had the thickest butter ever.

There was a surprising contestant too: Scott's long lost son, Baxter. His adopted parents had died, so he searched the world to find his father. Hearing about the competition, he wanted to join. Baxter decided to compete with the butter recipe he learned from his father.

The competition was tough. The numbers were whittling down from 16 to 8 to 4. Finally, there were only two people left in the competition: Baxter and William. The competition was close, and the victor had only won by 0.02%.

"Ladies and gentlemen" Scott says on the reveal stage "I have the results in my hand, which is the tabulation of text votes combined with the judges total score. And the winner of this year's World Butter Churning Tournament is.................. Baxter!"

"What!" William exclaims "How come I didn't win! I had the thickest butter ever! I thought we were friends!"

"Sorry William, my dear friend" Scott says "But I think you were the person who taught me that B.Lood is thicker than W.Ater"