So What If It's Us?

Therapy

TW: Mentions of suicide

Evan's POV

I wiped my hands on my pants. Were they sweaty? They probably were. I wiped my hands on my pants yet again. I hated waiting for my therapy sessions. I felt like everyone was staring at me, thinking, what a freak, or, why is he here. I stared down at the floor and picked at my cast.

"Evan Hansen? Ms. Sawyer is ready for you." The secretary called out from behind her desk. I stood up and shuffled past her desk. "T-thank you." I muttered. She gave me a warm smile as I continued on my way to Ms. Sawyer's office. Just as I was about to knock she opened the door. I lowered my fist and said, "S-sorry I w-was just about t-to knock a-and.." "It's okay Evan. Come inside and we'll get started." She replied, as she walked over to my favorite couch in the room. With a sigh, I followed her and sat down. "So how has your week been so far Evan?" Ms. Sawyer asked me. "It's b-been g-good." I responded. "That's great Evan! Now tell actually tell me how the week has been so far." She said with a kind smile. 

I gulped. "It's b-been awful so f-far.W-when I t-told my friend J-Jared w-what happened he c-called me an a-acorn. He l-laughed r-right in my f-face too. And I f-feel s-so guilty!" I exclaimed as I felt tears start to build behind my eyes. "Why do you feel guilty Evan?" Ms. Sawyer asked me with genuine interest. "I-it's just t-that my m-mom has to w-work even h-harder n-now with the h-hospital b-bill. And s-she's a-also paying f-for my c-college t-tuition.I just wish I had climbed higher!" I shouted. Ms. Sawyer handed me a box of tissues sitting on the table in front of the couch. I hadn't even realized I was crying. "Evan. Look at me." She said. "None of these things are your fault! Please don't wish that you had climbed higher Evan! How would your mom have felt if you had succeeded? She would be miserable Evan! So please, never ever wish that! You can accomplish so many great things in life! Do not throw your life away. I know people who tried the same thing. Today, they're happy and well. They have good lives. They've accomplished their dreams. So Evan, please don't throw away what you have." She had tears in her eyes. Ms. Sawyer grabbed a tissue from the box in Evan's hands. For the next few minutes they sat there in silence, with only an occasional sniffle. "Okay. I w-won't throw m-my life a-away Ms. Sawyer." I said. "You promise Evan?" "I p-promise."I told her. "Oh and Evan? You can call me Veronica."

For the rest of the session we talked about my plans for the future. She asked me my major and what I wanted my job to be. Before I left, she asked me one last question. "Evan, would you be okay with a group session next week? You'll be with me and another young man like you. It could help with your social anxiety." No. I thought to myself. "S-sure."

Hi readers! I hope you enjoyed my first chapter! It's probably really cringey and short, so sorry about that. Hope you enjoyed it! See ya next chapter!

-Cronch