Words.

Queen.

I woke up not in pain today.

Nothing but happiness in my heart, I hope that'll never change.

But when I get a couple seconds to myself to pray to god that you'll actually agree with me and not just nod off like you use to do, I get a feeling that god doesn't want me to.

And every time I feel happiness, I think of you. And how much better this moment would be if it were shared between us two.

But I know that the memories we shared are through. And they're just memories that control my mood. And that every single thing I did for you is just another selfless act.

I have to admit, the first time I was truly afraid was when I realized that I couldn't turn back from the feelings that I had acted out right in front of you. You got the perfect view.

But what you didn't understand was that my first fear is being forgotten like that time you forgot to set the clock back an extra hour and the time you forgot to shower after we spent the day dipping our bodies in the river to get rid of the after-love shivers.

I still have the shells that we risked our lives to grab but I guess you forgot about that too. Another memory that we see is through. Was I really that bad? And am I really that sad? Watching the clock tick with every moment we could've had if you had stayed in the first place.

You know what? Never mind that, because even when I realized you could never be replaced, I found a place in my heart for another and I really should've taken my mother seriously when she said there would be others because even when I'm being protected by my brothers, I found a person who could slip past and become a lover.

And don't you worry your pretty little head about what I got going on in my life, all you need to focus on is how high is too high before you touch the clouds and fall back down.

And when you land on that slab of, cold, solid ground, look up and see me standing over you wearing a crown made of the tears I shed.

Before I put my fears to bed, let me tell you about the second thing I'm afraid of.

Not being loved, not being cherished like the princess that I was. Never getting the opportunity to tell someone how I really feel because I knew that they'd never feel the same. I don't have that worry anymore, I won that game.

And when you look up and see that crown on top of my head, just know that at some point in time I wanted to be dead. I wasn't alright in the head and I just needed some recess.

I'm no longer that same princess, I no longer have to confess. I'm free.

That crown on my head lets you know that I'm a queen.