Her Chaos

Chapter 28📍

~I found God. I found him in a lover. When his hair falls in his face. And his hands so cold they shake. I found the Devil. I found him in a lover. With his lips like tangerine, and his color coded speak. ~~~
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Lemme tell you what happened after the whole car got wrecked because an angel with big black razor sharp wings shot up from inside .

i woke up.

Yep. I fucking woke up from that fucked up dream.

According to my lovely cousin who this time, (didnt turn into smoke)
I fell asleep while we where stuck in traffic and woke up an hour later screaming .

Again.

She got so concerned that she told my mom about my screaming habits and my mom immediatly took it as a sign of trauma caused by the incident where my bestfriend died.

Too bad i didnt know that the word bestfriend would be a pseudonym to evil.

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"Paris, better hurry up you dont wanna be late to your appointment with t-"

"A shrink mom?" I continued for her.

This conversation was insufferable the first time and still is.

She groaned. "Honey its not a shrink-"

I rolled my eyes
"-Dr.Maxwell will only help you get over your trauma from the accident." Her eyes pleading.

"Mom! I was not traumatized!" I said exasperated .

"You are!" She threw the washcloth and pinched the bridge of her nose.

I stood still wide eyes at her.

D a m n .

"You are-" she started to sob. "-my -my baby is traumatized and depressed. You cant even deny it. Ive been hearing you in your room crying yourself to sleep at night. Sometimes i wake up from your constant screaming . Youre afraid of Death. Because Death took your bestfriend. -"
My heart plummets. Somehow her statement felt like it has a double meaning to it.

" -but honey i cant let you deal with this on your own. " she sobbed again. We locked eyes and i can see from her face that she's scared for my well being . She only wants me to be better.

I was not aware that i cry myself to sleep at night. Maybe only because everything crazy and scary that happened to me comes crushing all at once . Melting and racking my brain till it hurts . Only to remember bits of it in the morning . Leaving a huge missing puzzle piece in my brain.

Yep .
maybe my mom is right. She needs me to be better.
Because I didnt know that i was at my worst .
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My mom dropped me off a modern looking building. She told me the details because i refused for her to come with me . I am not a baby anymore. I am going to deal with whatever shit this thing is . Maybe she's right. Maybe im too imaginative. Maybe i was only making these , these weird happenings.

Maybe im imagining everything.
Maybe Death isnt real .
Maybe im just crazy.

I went in the elevator and pressed 15th floor . I was alone and nervous as fudge. I didnt know what to do or what to say. What if she asks to many questions? Am i suppose to answer all of it ? Or try to answer it? I dont know. What if i accidentally slip the whole i met Death, as in the grim reaper and damn he's not your typical skeletal friend.

Yep . If i even mention that the grim reaper is handsome as hell and everything that ive been through these past few days , then the therapist would need a therapist for her own being. .

And then id be sent to a sanitarium .

I internally shivered and felt cold. I hugged my coat and took a deep breath.

Then the elevator dinged.

Fuck im here.
I was hoping for the elevator to crash or something just so i could escape this.

I exited the elevator and was greeted by a faint smell of vanila. The whole floor is in white with primary colored paintings.

I approached the recieving table where a girl is furiously typing on her laptop. She's in all white with her hair in a pony tail.

She looked like a nurse . And now im feeling even more sick than i was before.
My hands became clammy and i wiped it on my jeans.

Damn it hands.

I cleared my throat and she stopped typing and paid me a glance.

She knitted her eyebrows as if trying to remember something.

Theres a weird tension , a weird feeling in this whole floor . Something im trying to brush off. Because i know im only scaring myself or maybe, im just imagining things again.

"Im uhm ,Paris Andrews. Im here to se-"

"OH. yes. I know you. Weve been expecting you. Dr. Anna Maxwell is right behind that door and she's ready to see you. " she gave me a sickening grin after interrupting me.

She pointed me to a brown door right beside a dimly lit lamp.

I gulped and nodded.

I took long strides to the door and knocked first.

That's when the girl spoke in a very nice tone, its so nice its giving me a weird feeling. A not so good wierd feeling.

"Oh you dont need to knock. She knows youre here and shes expecting you"

Weird. I didnt even see her call anyone or tell anyone that im here already.

I opened the door and a room filled with windows greeted me.

Its room overlooked the city in a really nice way. From the 15th floor, this room sure does have the best side.

Some of the blinds of the windows are closed , leaving sun light streaks of it inside the room. The whole room looked modern and smelled like vanilla.

At the very center of the room near the window is a table and a chair . Right behind the table sits a woman with short red hair . She is dressed proffesionally and she smiled at me welcomely.

I went in and ignored the weird feeling in my stomach.

Maybe im just nervous.

"Hi Ms.Andrews. please take a seat." Her voice, so mellow. So nice.
And when i was walking up to her she looked younger up close.

How is she a therapist and looked this young? How old is she?

I answered myself by thinking maybe she drank a lot of water and has a healthy diet . Which made me rethink of my life choices because recently, ive been drowning myself in coffee and oily food. *cough* *cough* mcdonalds .

"Please take a seat" she smiled at me.
I dont know why but this woman infront of me just gave me an uneasy feeling.

Its like i know her but i dont really know her.
Confusing really.

A part of me is screaming go home but another part of me (my mom in my head) is screaming i paid for that therapist better not waste my money.

Another is whispering not the right place.

But i know everyone thinks im either depressed or just crazy and that i desperately need this therapy . So i just brushed off the feelings i am currently having and took a sit .

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