Kissed By The Baddest Bidder Fanfiction

Birth & Loss- Eisuke

What was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of my life became an absolute nightmare. My body was plagued by cancer and there was no cure. I had only months to live. When I was delivered the news time stopped. I couldn't breath. Just moments earlier I was overjoyed when I heard I was pregnant but now I may not even be able to have this baby. Two life changing events moments apart. One bringing new life to the world, the other bringing the end to a life.

Eisuke, my husband, refused to believe I would die. But the doctors assured him it was true. It hurt to see the agony on his face. Knowing he would soon lose me would be killing him inside. All we wanted was to build a family together but I won't be around to be a part of it. But… I will keep living long enough to have this baby. Though it pained me our child wouldn't have a mother. Thinking of Eisuke raising our child on his own was agonizing. It hurt, it hurt so much. All the little moments of watching our child grow, those moments we would have shared together, I won't be a part of it.

When we got home Eisuke wouldn't leave my side. He looked troubled, like he wasn't sure whether to try smile or cry.

“It's not fair. You are leaving me too soon.” Eisuke couldn't look at me as he spoke. He gazed at the floor, his hands balled into fists. He was hurting deeply.

“Sorry… I don't want to leave you alone. Honestly, I'm still having trouble believing it. To think I'll be dead this time next year...”

“Don't say that!” I jumped when Eisuke shouted. He was looking at me, a mix of sadness and anger in his eyes. A look of helplessness. “I don't want to think of you being gone…” He shook his head and came closer. “We are finally starting a family but I am supposed to accept your death? I can't… I don't know how to be a father. I need you. We are meant to do this together.” His eyes shook as he poured out his feelings to me, his voice was strained.

My chest ached. I wanted to be with him too. I didn't want him to be alone. But what could I do? I was powerless… “Sorry…” That was all I could say, tears pricked my eyes.

Eisuke sighed and pinched his nose. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I need to be alone for now.” Eisuke disappeared into his office. I wanted to call out to him but my voice was caught in my throat.

“Why is this happening… I don't want to die…” I fell onto the floor into a heap. Tears overflowed from my eyes. I placed my hand on my stomach. “I have to live long enough for the baby. It saddens me I won't get to be a part of my child's life but I at least want to give Eisuke one last thing before I die…”

After that we didn't talk about my sickness anymore. Though I felt my body start to weaken I tried to stay positive and smile for Eisuke. Still, I could tell Eisuke was hurting inside. He was being extra sweet to me and was spending every moment possible with me. But even so, It wasn't enough. It will only make it harder for him when I'm gone. I will no longer be able to hold him in my arms, comfort him or be able to support him. Eisuke will be all alone without anyone to turn to. It hurt my heart knowing that.

I thought about what I could do. I wanted to do something to help him when I was gone. I didn't have much time so I needed to act fast.

What if I wrote a book? A book for Eisuke and our child. It would be my parting gift. I could write down things I would want to tell them. Things that may soothe and comfort them. Though I won't get to meet my child I hope they can come to know me through this book.

I decided I'd write the book. I wouldn't let Eisuke know. I would finish it before I die and when the time comes I'll place it somewhere he can find. I hope it will soothe his heart when I am not there to do so.

I poured my heart into writing this book. Eisuke knew I was writing something but didn't know what.

As time went on we found out the gender of the baby. It was going to be a girl. Knowing this helped me to make the book even more personal.