I wiped the tears from my cheek. As I stared into the mirror. I cupped my cheeks and looked down at my half-naked body. Why am I so ugly? Why am I so fat?
Everyday Lauren tells me I'm beautiful and that I'm perfect but everyone else thinks different. Before I started dating Lauren. I was pretty confident. I liked myself. I liked the way I looked and I never really looked down on myself but now that I'm in an open relationship with a celebrity things changed.
Instagram and Twitter followers went up but positive vibes went down. I have never gotten hate because of my skin. And I never have gotten hate because of the way I think. But it seems like everything I do is wrong.
If I post a picture of myself on Instagram I get these comments that are just so harsh, so mean is unbelievable. I get death threats and get body shamed. They call me names and it all hurts.
Lauren always told me that I shouldn't listen to them and that I should just ignore it. But she also said that if it gets too bad that I should tell her, or say something about it to everyone, defend myself. And god have I did it so many times, but it only made things worse.
Lauren makes me so happy, I really do. She's the love of my life, but I really can't do this anymore. I can't pretend that I'm ok with all of this, I can't pretend that this doesn't bother me.
These past few months have been long, and I can't even look in the mirror without pointing out all my flaws.
My thighs are too big, my skin is too dark, I'm too fat, my acne makes me look hideous. My noes are huge my lips are huge. My hair is too nappy. There's a lot wrong with me.
And I don't understand how Lauren can even look at me every day without feeling disgusted.
"God I'm so ugly"
"Don't do that" I looked at the door to see Lauren standing there. She walks over to me "Do what?"
"Put yourself down like that...baby you're beautiful, and you're smart-"
"You say that all the time" I roll my eyes. She grabs my hands "that's because it's true" I shook my head "they hate me they really do hate. And I believe that it's true about what they're saying. I really do feel ugly, and I feel fat, and I don't feel myself anymore" she frowns "you got to stop reading those comments," she says pulling me to the bed. We sat down.
"They Are just trying to bring you down. And I hate seeing you like this, because I love you, and I care for you...and I really do admire every single inch of your body. I really do think you're beautiful, and I love your beautiful mind. And if you want me to tell you what is beautiful on you I will" I sniffed and looked down at my lap.
"I love your beautiful (y/e/c), I love the way your face scrunches up when you're mad, or when you laugh" she chuckles "I love your full lips, I love kissing them, and I love how they feel on mines and on my skin. I love your not so flat stomach and I love your thighs, and your ass, and your boobs" I smiled. "I love your dimples, and your beautiful hair, I love the texture of it and the color. I love how different it is from mines....god I love this!" I look up at her as she stands up. She pulls up. "I love you body, I love everything about you. And you shouldn't care about what those people think of you....because this is your life, and this is your body. And you have to look out for yourself.
This is the body that you have to live with for the rest of your life. You have to love unconditionally. You have to show them that you love your body. Because you know what haters hate more?"
"What?"
"They hate seeing you confident, they hate seeing you love yourself and be happy. They have this black hole in their heart and the only way to get them to feel good about themselves is to put someone else down. And you can't show them that they got the upper hand.
Now I'm not saying you have to pretend that everything ok because it's not. And you have every right to be upset and you have every right to speak your mind because trust me after I'm done loving you up, I'm going to give every one of them a piece of mind" we both chuckled. She pulls me closer to her.
"Thank you"
"I'm always here for you babygirl...if you're not feeling great about yourself tell me ok. I'm not here to judge...I'm here to do my job and that makes you happy" I placed my hands on her shoulders "I love you so much"
"I love you too" She pecks my lips and pulls me into a hug.....
