The Fix

Neuf / Green Eggs & Ham

yeurr is this app for kids? I'm just throwing out all this explicit content and hella kids 14 and under are reading this lmao. PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT A KID APP NOW

Nathan "Menace"

"Are you dumb?! Why the hell would you post me on your Instagram?! You have almost a million followers! And without my permission?!"

"Chill out..its just a picture. I'll delete it if you want-"

"Delete it! Now!"

I don't even know why I snapped the picture of Audrey, usually girls beg me to post them...shit even Danielle would. I don't know why she's so pissed.

"Do you want me to tag your or something?"

"Nathan. Delete it." She said with the same frustrated tone as before.

"Alright, damn." I mumbled as I archived the photo instead of deleting it. You can't blame me, she was looking cute.

"So, when's the last time you've read a book?" She asked me.

"Uhhh maybe my senior year of high school? Why?"

"I just want to be sure you won't sound LIKE a kindergartener when your reading TO the kindergarteners. Now, read this." She said handing me her phone. On her screen was an excerpt from some kid's book.

"Damn can't we just enjoy this breakfast without having to do some type of work?"

"If you're going to change for the better it's gonna take some work, starting with your reputation. Read the page."

"Ughh fine. Do you like green eggs and ham?

I do not like them Sam-I-Am-"

"Stop. You're gonna be reading to kids. If you sound like a robot they're gonna be bored out of their minds. Read it again with more personality." She said taking a bite of her toast.

I groaned and restarted.

"Do you like green eggs and ham my nigga?

Hell no I don't like Green eggs and Ham, fuck outta here homie. It's mad nasty-"

"Stop. Again, these are KIDS you're reading to Nathan. When I say add personality I don't mean change the words up, I mean add some emphasis to the words to make it interesting. One more time."

This is the last time I'm doing this bullshit.

"Do YOU like green eggs and ham?

I do NOT like them Sam-I-Am!"

Audrey smiled for a second before clapping for me.

"Good! That's much better! Yay yay yay!" She said excitedly.

"Woohoo I can read. Now can I get a piece of that bacon?" I asked her with a convincing grin.

"Fine." She said dropping a strip of bacon on my plate.

This just might work.

Audrey

Before we left the restaurant, I wrote down a couple more notes for Nathan, and ordered a copy of the book I'll have him read to the kids from Amazon.