New 새로운 // BTS

55

RaeJae's POV:

"RaeJae-ah?"

I turn to face Yoongi who just called my name. His expression reads something along the lines of concern or seriousness, but then again, I can never properly read his emotions anyway. Only when the gravity of a situation has become so great that it feels it may keep you from breathing is when you can read Yoongi's expression.

This often makes me wonder what he's been through to have achieved this trait that I've mastered long ago.

"Yeah?" I reply while laying down the Xbox controller next to V.

"Can I speak to you for a second?" He tilts his head in a way that makes you think you've done something wrong. I nod my head only to have him continue to stare at me.

"Well, in the hallway?" He adds, my eyebrows furrowing further.

"But hyung, Rae-ah is my teammate in Mario Cart. We're about to do Rainbow Road!" Jimin whines while eyeing Jungkook and V who are now anticipating victory.

"Then wait," Yoongi mumbles, jerking his head towards the door.

"Uh.. I'll be right back," I tell the three, getting up and following Yoongi out the door.

For the first time in awhile I notice that Yoongi has actually been growing out his hair. He used to sport a choppy, reddish hair style during our debut and a little onward. Now his color has faded, leaving mostly his natural hair color apart from the bits at the end of his hair that are still slightly bleached.

"We need to talk," He says as soon as the door to the dorm closes behind us.

"About...?" I trail off worriedly. How is he able to make me so guilty when I'm almost positive I've done nothing wrong?

he purses his lips, making a few attempts at trying to say something but failing.

"Is it really that bad?" I breath out.

"No, no. I just don't really want to bring it up again... but I feel like I have to," He starts, "How's your mental health?"

"My mental what?" I raise my eyebrows at his question.

"It's just, you tried to Kill-"

"STOP! I can't hear you. blahlalala-"

"RaeJae," he puts his hand on my good wrist, forcing me to look at him, "You tried to kill yourself,"

I blink a few times, repeating his low, serious tone over and over in my head. Overall I'm just extremely embarrassed about what I tried to do. I don't see myself as unstable in away, but sometimes even I scare myself. That night, terror made me into someone I'm not.

"You don't need to worry, I promise. It will never, absolutely never happen again," I tell him, meaning every single word that comes out of my mouth.

"But I can't-" He pauses and takes a deep breath, "I can't stop seeing you up on that ledge... and even you telling me not to worry makes me worry more because I know what it's like,"

"You 'Know what it's like?'" I repeat back to him.

"Yeah, to feel like a ticking time bomb,"

Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because for some reason that's just making me feel worse about myself.

"Hyung, I'm not a ticking time bomb," my voice raises slightly considering I feel like I've been forced into a therapy session. I understand he means well but for some reason I can't control my temper.

"Aish... I didn't mean it like that," He tries to fix his words but continues to stumble over them.

"The best way to heal a wound is not to touch it. So lets just forget what happened that night," I say, turning around to leave.