New 새로운 // BTS

67

RaeJae's POV:

"Our first way of promoting The Most Beautiful Moment in Life series will start on After School Club," Bang PD-nim announces, the boys cheering.

"YES!" V puts his fist in the air, "every time we go their we have fun!"

"Says the one who can never understand what's happening," Jimin teases.

Normally I'd smile at them teasing each other but my heart is still numb with shock. I tap my foot on the ground to distract myself, eventually making eye contact with Jungkook who has his arms cross over his chest.

"When is this?" He asks without breaking eye contact.

"In 11 days," Bang PD-Nim replies.

Jungkook's lips immediately purse as I bring myself to look away from him. I wipe some sweat from my forehead considering we just had a full out dance practice and start for the door.

"Where are you going?" Jungkook calls after me.

"She has to leave for therapy right now," Yoongi answers for me.

"Right," Jungkook sighs, "because that is definitely helping,"

"Shut up, Jungkook," Namjoon nudges him and I look away.

I understand his frustration with me. The only problem is that I can't understand the reason I'm like this. Words just refuse to come out of my mouth because every time I go to talk I feel as if I may throw up.

Perhaps it's anxiety... or maybe I just broke my voice forever.

"Rae, I'll wait for you at the same time, okay?" Yoongi says before the door closes.

I don't even make an effort to turn around and nod my head at him. No matter what I know for a fact that he'll be there. For the past week he shows up at 2pm on the dot. Every single time.

Somehow he's the only one who truly treats me as if I'm completely the same. Only slightly more delicately than before....

"Good afternoon RaeJae!" The therapist cheers as soon as she sees me.

I don't acknowledge her. In all honestly I don't like this woman. Although she's meant to help people through therapy it doesn't seem like she's all that helpful.

For example, all she does is yell at me when I don't do what she says! Which is all the time might I add.

"Now is the part where you say 'Hello Dr. Hong," She smiles fakely. I look at her for a split second just to nod.

She lets out a sigh of defeat and leads me to our 'therapy' room which is just another practice room. I sit on the couch as always while she pulls up a chair to sit across from me.

"So RaeJae, are you actually gonna make some progress with me today?" She asks in a high pitched tone if voice.

I stare at my hands in my lap.

"Fine. You give me no choice but to get straight to the hard stuff. It's been almost a week and you have barely even acknowledged me," She scoots her chair closer to me, the sound of it scraping the floor causes me to cringe.

"Do you think you're a murderer?"

Her questions rings in my ears, echoing each time I try to pretend I didn't hear it. I clench my fists in an attempt to distract myself but the word "murder" can't seem to leave my mind.

"How would you define a murderer?"

I furrow my eyebrows, my heart feeling like it's being stabbed a million times in a row. I absolutely despise that word. No matter how many times the boys tell me I'm not a murderer, I can't seem to believe it.

"Well, RaeJae, you are not a murderer," the woman tells me.

Even though what she says seems sincere, her words just go in one ear and out the other.

"Sure. You may have pulled the trigger, and killed a man. But that is exactly what you need to accept. You killed someone, but that doesn't make you a murderer,"

I get up from my seat out of anger and pain. I don't know who this lady thinks she's helping be it sure as hëll isn't me.

"Yah! Where are you going?!"

I quickly push the door open, immediately bumping into someone's chest. My eyes trail up to their face which almost looks as angry as my own. However, his immediately softens when he looks at me.

"why are you crying?" He asks gently.

I quickly wipe my tears, having not noticed that she made me cry.

"I thought you said she was making huge progress!" He storms into the room.

"Yeah well I lied. This girl has no hope," She waves me off.

"What kind of therapist are you?!" He exclaims.

"Listen, she won't make any progress if she doesn't try... and this girl, won't try,"

Jungkook walks over to me, placing his two hands on my shoulders.

"Rae, please just say anything," his eyes stare directly into mine, "just one thing, please. I need to hear your voice, it's killing me,"

I feel my cheeks growing hot with tears.

"Please," He begs, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs. I lift my hands to hold his wrists, slowly pushing him away from me.

I open my mouth to say sorry, watching Jungkook's eyes light up in the slightest. However, before he can even think to gain the tiniest bit of hope I snap my mouth shut.

I simply don't feel like explaining myself and I don't know why. With every day without speaking a word my will to converse with people disintegrates. If I don't speak then I don't have to fully accept the fact that I killed someone.

It might make no sense to you, but it's the only thing I've been able to process for the past couple of weeks.

I turn my back to Jungkook who Immediately stops me.

"PLEASE!" His voice is desperate, "if you don't speak by the time we have our After School Club Interview, Bang PD-nim will kick you out of Bangtan forever!"

~~~~~~~~~

I am so sorry for this crappy chapter after not updating in over a week )):

I've been so busy at this new school it's not even funny! I have so many stories that I want to tell you though... but I may make a separate update dedicated to that.