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68

RaeJae's POV:

I watch the therapist storm out of the room leaving Jungkook and I alone. Honestly I'm thankful for her disappearance because I'm convinced she only make things worse.

All she's ever done during therapy is make me feel guiltier and guiltier. As if that is even possible.

"Rae, Guilt is toxic,"

I blink a few times at Jungkook's words. Can he read my mind or something?

"Forgiving yourself is just as important as forgiving others. I get that you won't accept that none of this is your fault, okay? I get it. But trying to relive it to punish yourself is only letting Hobeom get what he wanted in the first place. So let's stop this right now," Jungkook hugs me tightly to prevent me from running away.

I stare at myself in the mirror on the opposite side of the room. Jungkook's arms are around me but I can't bring myself to put mine around him. However, for the first time since the incident I actually contemplate putting myself first.

There are many people in this world who are worse off than me, and would even possibly want to be in my place. So maybe, just maybe, I'm being way too selfish for once in my life.

He pulls away to look at me, "why do you always insist on making things harder for yourself? Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?"

"But-," my voice is quiet but there in the least.

Jungkook's eyes widen.

I find the courage to continue, "why do you assume I see two roads?"

His jaw goes slack. Possibly because he's wondering whether or not to address my question or the fact that words just spilled out of my mouth for the first time in weeks.

I watch him stutter for a bit before finally saying, "It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply,"

This time it's my turn to contemplate his words. The young, immature teenager I once knew seems a whole lot grown up to me now. Perhaps I look the same in his eyes.

"Rae?"

"Mm,"

"Are you done staying in the quiet?"

"I hope so," I whisper honestly. Silence is a scary thing, but also very powerful. It's darkness wavers over you like a cloud before rain and in the moment you wonder if it will ever go away.

"It's all up to you. If you hope so, then I guess you're back?" A small smile decorates his face.

"Yeah..." I trail off, but my heart still hurts.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Jungkook looks to me with eyes as bright as the sun on a summer day.

"What?"

"How it all hurts but we never give up,"

I furrow my eyebrows out of pure confusion. How is it that every time I feel something he feels it as well? Could it be because we've known each other and spent countless hours together? That could be the only possible answer...

"Come on, let's go home," He helps me into my jacket, taking my hand before guiding me out the door.

We start down the stairs and in the direction of our dorm. It's been awhile since I haven't dreaded the thought of having dinner with the boys. Before I only wanted to sit in my bed and let memories roll down my cheeks, but now I want that to be over.

Sure. I can't forget what happened that day, and maybe I have to accept what I did. But I also need to accept that there is a difference between me and a murderer.