Existential Indifference (Joshler)

22. Boyfriend

Inspiration provided by GHZTZZ . Wait to start the song.
***There will be one incident of vomiting in this chapter. I'm late adding in this warning. I'm so sorry to anyone who read before I put it in and felt unsafe.***

It took a lot of convincing to get Josh to go home with Tyler while he was still going through withdrawals, but Tyler needed to go home for the night, and he wasn't leaving Josh. After conspiring with Hayley for a while, they finally decided that Tyler should just roll Josh up in a blanket and carry him out. Josh grumbled at the idea, but didn't complain when Tyler carried him out to his car and gently laid him down on the backseat.

"You know I'm going to take care of you, right?" Tyler asked softly.

Josh grumbled again, pulling the blanket up over his face. Even if it worried Tyler that Josh was getting grumpy and attempting to isolate himself, he couldn't really blame him. He was in a lot of pain, and there was a significantly smaller amount of serotonin going to his brain than what he had grown accustomed to. If he wanted to be grumpy, that was fine. Sober and grumpy was better than tweaking and happy.

Instead of allowing himself to be frustrated with Josh's unresponsiveness, Tyler kissed the top of his head before closing the car door and getting into the driver's seat.

"Tell me if you need me to pull over so you can throw up," Tyler told Josh calmly as he started the car.

All he got in response was another grumble, but he allowed it. The rest of the ride was silent, and Tyler was surprised when he got out of the car and found Josh still and unmoving in the back seat. Before he could even think to be rational, Tyler pressed his fingers against Josh's neck. His breath caught in his chest as he searched for the familiar thumping of his heartbeat. He didn't find it before Josh smiled slightly.

"Are you checking my pulse?" Josh mumbled sleepily. "I was asleep. It's okay."

Start the song. It's Who Cares If You Exist by Peacock Affect.

Tyler's hands were shaking as he climbed into the backseat with Josh, making him grunt when Tyler climbed on top of him. Still, Josh patiently allowed Tyler to burrow his way into the blanket with him as he buried his face against Josh's neck and took in an unsteady breath.

"Hey, I'm okay," Josh said more softly then, grumpiness forgotten. His arms wrapped around Tyler's torso, holding him close when one of the tears Tyler had been trying to hold back dropped onto Josh's shoulder. "Ty? Hey, it's okay."

It was hard for Tyler to feel okay though. Zack had been wrapped up in the blankets from his bed, cheeks and lips as blue as the bathroom tile he'd collapsed on. Tyler hadn't found a pulse that time either, and the doctors couldn't find one either.

Even though Tyler knew he was scaring Josh, he couldn't stop sobbing and clutching onto Josh's shirt so hard that his knuckles were white. Josh tried to sit up to hold Tyler properly, but he wasn't strong enough to shift Tyler off of him, and that only made him cry harder.

"I'm sorry," Tyler sobbed out. "I'm so sorry. I'm not trying to-"

"No, it's okay. I'm scared too," Josh said quietly, his fingers trailing softly through Tyler's hair as he spoke.

"I'm sorry. It's just my brother and-" Tyler cut himself off. He couldn't tell Josh the truth. "You're gonna get better. We'll get you better. I'm-I'm not going anywhere until you're better, and then I'm never leaving you. Ever. We're going to go somewhere better together, and we'll live somewhere nice with a cat, and you'll have your own tattoo parlour, and-"