Existential Indifference (Joshler)

24. Osmosis

Start the song. It's Monday by Matt Corby. ***Trigger warnings for mentions of drug use and cravings.***

Tyler was gone when Josh woke up in the morning. The note on his pillow informed Josh that he'd gone to class and would be home in a few hours. It also informed Josh that Tyler loved him and was proud of him for making it another day sober. The note itself was simply addressed to "Boyfriend," which made Josh smile.

He yawned, trying to ignore the aching in his head and bones as he folded up the note and tucked it into the pocket of his sweatpants before hugging Tyler's pillow against his chest and closing his eyes again. Over and over again his mind drifted back to the conversation he'd had with Brendon the night before. How could anyone have ever been cruel enough to look at someone as precious and gentle as Tyler and justify hurting him in any way? Josh felt guilty when his withdrawals made his legs spasm in the night and kick Tyler, and that wasn't even on purpose, so how could anyone purposely hurt Tyler and feel no shame about it?

Josh opened his eyes and picked his phone up off of the nightstand, finding Tyler's name in his contacts and sending him a quick text simply saying:

Good morning Boyfriend. Kick ass at school today and then hurry home so I can kiss your cute face. I love you.

He set his phone down on the bed beside him and closed his eyes once again. A slight smile tugged at his lips as he started to drift back off to sleep, Tyler's note causing his thoughts to wander.

Apart from a couple slip ups, Josh was making a lot of progress in kicking this addiction. He was doing better than he'd thought he would, and Tyler was praising him for it. He didn't resent Josh for wanting to do more with his life like Debby had. He supported Josh instead, helping him to celebrate every little victory he was able to reach. That felt more like love than anything else Josh had experienced in a relationship.

Josh's phone beeped, so he picked it up again. He smiled when he saw Tyler's response, feeling overwhelming love and adoration swell inside of him.

It was so hard to leave you this morning. You were so cute and snuggly and you whimpered like a puppy whenever I tried to get out of bed. I can't wait to come home and kiss your cute face too. Have a good day, Baby. I'll be home in a couple hours. Eat something and get a shower. Take care of my boyfriend until I can come home and do it myself.

Josh buried his face in his pillow to hide his blush despite being alone in the room. God, he loved Tyler. He loved being with someone who genuinely cared about him. He loved being with someone that he genuinely cared for just as much. He loved being with someone who gave him a second reason to get clean. Getting to twenty-seven would be incredible, but waking up next to Tyler on his twenty-seventh birthday would be so much better.

He couldn't help but respond to Tyler's text with one that said:

I wouldn't mind waking up in your bed every day for the rest of my life.

Tyler's response was instant.

It's not for sale.

Josh snickered, forgetting the pain in his joints for the first time in days as he texted Tyler back quickly.

If I let you be the big spoon will you let me share it with you?

Once again, Tyler's response was instant.

Deal