Existential Indifference (Joshler)

10. Drinks

Wait to start the song.

This was without a doubt the worst part of college. Tyler had to physically restrain himself from running out of the building or bursting into tears. Instead, he forced himself to calmly walk down the busy corridors and out of the building before he got to his car. As soon as he sat in the driver's seat and closed the door, he broke down. He sobbed as he pulled his legs up against his chest and buried his face in them.

"Fuck!" He yelled, digging his nails into his shins as he screamed into his thighs.

He allowed himself five minutes to scream and cry and act like a petulant child before he pulled himself together, put his seatbelt on, and started his car as if nothing had ever happened. Going back to the trailer park wasn't an option right now. It was a painful reminder that he was trapped here unless he busted his ass to earn that exit. Instead, he drove to the park.

Parks were good, right? Parks were calming. They had birds and grass and stuff. Surely he could calm down there. It wouldn't feel so much like he was drowning if he went somewhere pretty, so that's what he did.

The park he chose was fairly big, but that wasn't really compared to much given that this was Oklahoma. He walked with his hands in the pockets of his jeans, watching his feet as he walked along the blacktop trail. He didn't stop until he came across a patch of flowers that had been planted where there was a fork in the trail. The purple, blue, and pink blooms made him smile, so he sat down next to them.

Tyler could probably call Brendon for emotional support, but he'd likely get another one of those, "You're being too hard on yourself, Tyler" talks that made him even more upset. He had to be hard on himself. No one else was going to push him to do his best if he didn't do it himself.

He jumped in fear when someone sat down next to him, but calmed when he heard a familiar laugh, although it sounded a bit less enthusiastic than the last time he'd heard it. Tyler looked at Josh, but he wasn't looking at him. He was looking at the flowers like Tyler had been.

"What are you doing here?" Tyler asked, cursing how crackly his voice still was from crying.

"Not sure. What are you doing?" Josh asked, picking one of the purple flowers before looking at Tyler finally.

Josh tucked the purple flower behind Tyler's ear. He'd been crying. There were tear tracks on his cheeks and his eyes were bloodshot. His eyebrows drew together in concern when he saw Tyler.

"Hey, man. You okay?" Josh asked, and Tyler felt embarrassed when the other man reached out and wiped residual tears off of his cheeks for him.

Tyler forced a laugh and nodded, self-consciously wiping at his cheeks for anything Josh's fingertips missed. "Yeah, I'm just being stupid. Are you okay?"

"Weirdly, yes," Josh replied, suddenly seeming distant.

Tyler glanced at him. He wasn't sure why he did it when he'd only talked to Josh once in his life, but he scooted closer to him and linked their arms together, resting his head on Josh's shoulder. Surprisingly, Josh leaned his head on top of his without hesitation and sighed.

"So do I need to beat someone up for you or...?" Josh asked carefully.

Tyler chuckled. "No. It's just hitting me that I might not have what it takes to get out of here. I'm not really smart enough for college."

"Bullshit," Josh replied. "Why would you think that?"

"I just took a biology test and I didn't know anything on it even though I studied all night, and now I'm crying in a park on the shoulder of a guy who barely knows me. I'm kind of a mess at the moment," Tyler informed him.