Existential Indifference (Joshler)

21. Professor

Start the song. It's The Kids Don't Wanna Come Home by Declan McKenna.
***trigger warning for mentions of Josh's self harm and seizure as well as some homophobia***

Tyler got two hours of sleep last night. Two. And he couldn't even complain because Josh hadn't gotten any. He held Josh all night (apart from the time he spent rubbing Josh's back while he threw up), and he made sure Josh didn't have to be alone. When Josh needed to go outside, Tyler went outside. When Josh needed to cry, Tyler reassured him and held him close. When Josh's muscles all contracted painfully, making his legs spasm and kick Tyler, Tyler assured him that he had nothing to apologize for. He was taking care of Josh, just like he'd promised.

Hayley checked on Josh every hour and constantly asked Tyler if he needed her to keep an eye on Josh while he slept for a while, but Tyler couldn't leave Josh after seeing him seizing in the bathtub. It was a nice offer, but he needed to be with Josh just as much as Josh needed to be with him, so he got two hours of sleep last night.

That was why Tyler almost fell asleep in class today. He was sitting through a biology lecture when his eyelids grew heavy, and he started to drift off. It happened more than once, but he fought it every time. The notes he took were shit. Somehow, he'd managed to spell "cell" wrong in four different ways on one page: sal, cel, sel, sell. He was exhausted, but he couldn't and wouldn't complain.

Tyler wasn't surprised when his professor asked him to follow her to her office after class. He did so wordlessly, almost forgetting his backpack until his professor prompted him to grab it. If he wasn't so exhausted, he'd be blushing with embarrassment. He didn't have the energy to be self-conscious though, so he just picked it up and followed her.

At first, Dr. Simons just had him sit in the arm chair in her tiny office while she made a pot of coffee. When she came back into the room from filling the pot up with water, he was scared awake by the opening of the door. She chuckled.

"Rough night?" She asked in a kind voice.

Tyler chuckled tiredly. "That's one way to put it."

"You've never fallen asleep in my class before. You're a hard worker and an amazing student. I'm a little worried. Is everything okay?" His professor inquired softly.

No. Everything was not okay. Josh had relapsed. He was going through withdrawals. He had a seizure. Tyler was scared. He hadn't showered in a couple days. He hadn't talked to his mom in weeks. Last night at the library had been the first time Tyler had done homework all week. Nothing was okay.

Tyler shrugged instead of responding, picking at what was left of the purple nail polish Sarah had put on his fingers over a week ago. There was practically nothing left to pick at, but focusing on it kept him awake.

"Tyler, are you aware that there's blood on your shirt?" His professor pressed uncertainty.

It wasn't until she said that that Tyler realized he was still wearing his clothes from the night before. Josh had been there when he'd gotten ready this morning, but he was probably too out of it from pain to even notice. He'd just kissed Tyler goodbye and told him not to come back if he was too busy. Tyler would be going back anyways.

"It's not my blood. Don't worry," Tyler said tiredly, trying not to think of how Josh had torn his flesh away before his seizure.

He hadn't realized Josh had gotten any blood on him, but it made sense. He'd carried Josh out of the bathroom and shared a bed with him all night. They hadn't exactly been on opposite sides of the bed or anything. They'd clung to each other like life preservers.

His words did little to ease his professor's concerns. "Whose blood is it, Tyler?" Her forehead was creased in a worried line.

"My boyfriend's," Tyler replied tiredly. He caught himself after a second though. "Not my boyfriend. My friend. We're not...it's not like that. We're friends."