Existential Indifference (Joshler)

28. Breath

***Trigger warnings for drug cravings, a panic attack, suicidal thoughts, and drug abuse.***

Wait to start the song.

Tyler spent two hours trying to soothe Josh, who had only sobbed and screamed and begged Tyler to not let him do anything stupid before exhaustion took over, effectively knocking Josh out. Josh was still curled up in Tyler's lap, too drained to even snore as he slept with his head on Tyler's chest. Tyler was out of tears too. He couldn't sleep though. He'd been asleep when Zack needed him, and he wasn't going to make that mistake again.

The door to Tyler's bedroom opened with a quiet creaking sound that Josh was sleeping too deeply to notice. Brendon peeked in, clearly unable to fight his concern any longer now that the noise in Tyler's room had disappeared completely. A weak smile tugged at Tyler's lips when Brendon set two cups of water on the table beside Tyler's bed before crouching down to meet Tyler's eyes. He ran his fingers soothingly through Tyler's hair.

"He didn't hurt you, did he?" Brendon whispered worriedly.

Tyler shook his head, feeling tears prickle in his eyes again. After weeks of trying to keep everything a secret from Brendon, Tyler whispered, "I can't lose him, but I don't know how to protect him."

And just like that, Tyler was starting to cry again. He kept his sobs silent, feeling grateful when Brendon held his cheeks and pressed their foreheads together.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. Breathe. Talk to me. What do you need to protect him from?" Brendon whispered softly to him.

Tyler whimpered, knowing he couldn't betray Josh right now, but he couldn't do this alone anymore either. The best he could think of was to minimize Josh's role in this.

"Josh just had to go drag his dad out of a crackhouse. His dad said a lot of horrible things to him and to me, and Josh had to knock him out to even get him in the car. His dad was so high that he didn't even seem like a person. He was so awful, Brendon. He tried to hurt Josh's sister when he came to, so Josh had to knock him out again and lock him in the bathroom. Brendon, he's so scared and so overwhelmed, but I can't protect him from this. I can't," Tyler explained through his tears.

Brendon's fingers soothed through Tyler's hair again as he seemed to consider that. "Well, you're both safe here. I promise. Just try to get some rest, and I promise I'll protect both of you while you sleep. I swear on my life."

Although Tyler meant to smile, he sobbed instead. "You'd do that for me?"

Brendon smiled warmly. "Does the Sasquatch shit in the woods?" When Tyler hesitated, Brendon insisted, "He does. He does shit in the woods. He's real. Real animals shit. We've been over this, Tyler."

Despite how much Tyler's chest ached, he laughed quietly at that. "Okay. I believe you. Thank you, Brendon. I owe you."

Brendon grinned as he pressed a kiss to Tyler's forehead before pulling the blankets up and tucking Tyler and Josh in. "Hey, you're my brother. I'd do anything for you. You don't owe me shit. We're a family. This is what families do. Now get some sleep. We can't fix everything tonight, but I'll help you get started in the morning."

"I love you," Tyler told Brendon as he watched the other man head for the door.

"I love you too," Brendon replied sincerely, pulling the door shut silently behind him.

It took another hour for Tyler to fall asleep. He just kept tracing the marks on Josh's arm and watching his boyfriend's chest rise and fall with every breath. As long as they kept Josh's scars to a minimum and his breaths to a maximum, everything would be okay. It had to be.